With The Deepest Of Gratitude Options

[sammy]

My Sammy died 16 days ago, and in the first days after his death, I was just in no shape at all to do anything but sob the heart wrenching sobs that come when you lose someone that has affected your life as deeply as Sammy had affected mine.

Somehow I found this site though, and it turned out to be the beginning of such desperately needed healing for me. When I first found this site, I was overwhelmed at how many people were feeling the same kind of grief I was feeling. So many similar stories of loving a special friend and the same lost feelings, like a nuclear blast just went off, after the dreaded experience of their best friends death. I felt like I had found a place where my words, and feelings about Sammy could be understood totally.

This was vital to me at that time, because I found myself feeling utterly alone in my own family. It has taken the over two weeks since Sammy's death to help my family understand the level of grief I was feeling about Sammy's death. My husband and daughters all felt that I surely loved Sammy more than I loved them. They had never seen such horrendous sadness in me and they felt that my heart only had room for Sammy.

This forum has allowed me to fully express my grief without judgment and with the kindest of love and compassion that can only come from those that truly understand the same loss I feel about Sammy. It's been a long two weeks since Sammy's death...many ups and downs, many adjustments to my daily life. I was Sammy's total care hospice nurse for nearly the last two years of his life, and I still catch myself thinking I have to go attend to him...but remember he's not here anymore.

Without everyone here, and their kind loving words of support, and the sharing of their own story, helping me not feel so alone...I can't begin to guess how I could have coped in the beginning. I'm sure I would still be stuck in the last moments of his life, filled with needless pain.

So, with this post...my heartfelt intention is to thank everyone that took the time to read about my precious Sammy and then to further leave words of love, encouragement, advice....and hope that the horrendous grief would someday subside, and that my feelings were understood.

I clung to every word of advice, every word of hope, every word of understanding...like someone hanging onto a piece of debris after a ship wreck. I read, and reread every word left for me, and it's my heartfelt hope that everyone knows how truly grateful I am for everything given to me in those hours of deep need.

I still miss Sammy terribly, and sometimes the pain of not feeling his little body next to me washes over me with huge intensity. Yet, I'm still functioning somehow, and managing to remember more and more of what a gift Sammy was to me during his 17 years of life, remembering more than the sick days, and his death...remembering that having him in my life changed me to be more open than I was when he first came to me...and I feel in large part I owe my ability to heal to everyone here on this site.

With the deepest of gratitude, I thank you all for helping me navigate out of the worst pain I've ever felt...to be here today, without sobbing and able to help others along the same path I was on two weeks ago...Thank you all, so very much.

Love and Light

Sammy's Momma

[moon_beam]

Hi, Sammy's Mama, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Your statement, "Sometimes things in life happen that make you wonder how we can even survive...that's why I know our creatures are indeed gifts from God that help us through some of the worst things ever we experience" is very beautifully said, Sammy's Mama, and is so very true.

If what I have expereinced in my life journey can be a source of comfort and encouragement to you, to others, then what I have experienced has a purpose. It is a blessing to know you, Sammy's Mama, and to have the privilege of sharing your journey. Thank you so much for keeping my Noah and me in your thoughts and prayers, as you and all of your family are in mine. I will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam