I Just Can't Cope Options

[olivia]

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[olivia]

Hi, I'm sorry I haven't replied to the responses people gave. Every single time I've tried I just end up collapsing in tears in front of my computer. People have been very kind, but I don't think I can ever forgive myself for what happened. Thank you though for trying to help.

[Peggy's Human]

Dear Olivia,

I am so sorry that your heart is still buried in guilt and pain. I swear to you, you did nothing wrong. Please, please try to convince your heart of the truth I’m telling you. There are only 2 courses of logic that can apply here. There are really 2 types of vets/Drs in this world. The first is a competent and honorable Dr who is truly trying to do the right thing. Those Dr’s do NOT suggest euthanasia lightly. They ONLY suggest that as an option when they KNOW THERE IS NO HOPE and only SUFFERING for the animal if it’s not done. The second type has 2 sub-sets, the incompetents and the unscrupulous. BOTH of those would try to convince you to grasp at straws and pay for some procedure that’s a long shot at best and definitely going to enrich their bottom line, regardless of the outcome for the animal. Incompetent and greedy vets usually ‘give themselves away’ by trying to ‘up sell’ treatments for pets. They play on our emotions and convince you that the situation isn’t hopeless so you agree to treatments that are expensive and prolong the poor animals agony. Since that IS NOT what happened here, the Dr HAD NO DOUBT ABOUT THE CORRECT COURSE OF ACTION (!) so the evidence strongly points to you having a very good Dr (who just should have taken some time with you, to explain everything)!! Please forgive my upper case words but I am desperate to have your heart hear what I’m saying. I have dealt with all types of vets over the past 40 years and I have NEVER had any of them suggest euthanasia unless there really and truly was no other logical option for the animal. A small handful of Dr’s were incompetent/greedy (as further research uncovered, after the fact) and they ALWAYS wanted me to spring thousands of dollars on ‘testing’. They were usually the ones who would outright reject the idea of euthanasia if I asked (out of fear) if they thought that’s where we were eventually heading. They would usually assure me that they didn’t think it would come to that, we just needed to do a lot of testing to figure out the best course of action. With one of my dogs, I just didn’t get a good feeling from the situation and my gut was telling me the dog was in pain and something big and really bad was wrong. When I brought him to another vet, he told me after walking in that he had an idea of what was wrong but didn’t want to say anything until he ran a very specific test (my dog was only 5 years old). It took less that 1 day and $100 for him to tell me my dog had cancer and it appeared to have metastasized to his lungs. HE recommended euthanasia, and rightly so. Even though this was years ago, I was very fortunate to have a Dr who explained everything to me so I understood the gravity of the situation.

I vividly remember your story (I think of you often and had been wondering how you were doing) and I am still convinced that you did the right thing. You KNEW intuitively that your beloved dog was in critical condition and you did what was necessary to spare him any additional pain. Sweet Olivia, that is the ultimate act of selflessness and love. I understand your grieving and that you’re missing your dear friend. And considering how gentle your heart is, I understand that you’re having trouble with your decision. However, you MUST love and trust yourself enough to accept that you did the right thing and you did it for the right reasons. Making the decision to euthanize is one of the most difficult, heart wrenching decisions we can be called upon to make. I know many people who say they love animals but are unable to make that decision and force the animal to endure needless suffering. You, gentle Olivia, acted immediately to alleviate the suffering of your beloved dog. That act and your ability to see beyond what you want and having the courage to do what is needed is to be commended, not condemned. Not even by you, sweet Olivia with the gentle heart.

Olivia, I wish from the bottom of my heart that I could find the right words to help you release the guilt. Guilt does serve a purpose in the right situation. BUT THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE SITUATIONS! It helps us to critically view our actions so we can identify areas were we should have behaved differently, gives us an opportunity to learn from our mistakes and hopefully, we don’t repeat those mistakes the next time we encounter that kind of situation. In this case, waiting would only have served to prolong the pain and suffering for your dog. Had you insisted on thousands of dollars of testing and they had come back 4 days later, telling you he was riddled with cancer and was in agony all the time, you’d be dealing with the guilt of not following your instincts to act immediately when your gut told you it was time to release him. And you’d be feeling guilty for forcing him to endure those additional days. With life and death, we just can’t escape the guilt. It’s part and parcel of that decision making process and all we can do is make the best decision we can when faced with it. I personally, follow my instincts with these decisions, as do you, and it’s the best any of us can do. I do believe we have an unseen connection with our animals and even when we’re ‘not sure’ in our own heads about whether or not it’s ‘time’, on some level, we are sure it’s time for them to go or we wouldn’t be able to form the decision and inform the Dr. I honestly think they’re communicating to us that it’s time, THEY KNOW. If it truly wasn’t time for your dog to go, your instinct would have prevented you from making the decision. You would have been too conflicted to make any decision. In those situations, it’s so much easier to say NO than to say yes, please proceed with the procedure. As humans, our natural instinct is to forestall death for ourselves and our loved ones as long as possible. It is only when we realize our loved ones are in agony that we are desperate to help them escape the pain. That is exactly what you described in your original post. You knew your dog was suffering and you were desperate to help him escape the pain. IT WAS TIME. He must have been mentally begging you to help release him and God love you for having the strength, courage and love to do just that.

Olivia, please know that you are in my and Mom’s thoughts and prayers. We are both praying that your heart is able to release the pain and guilt you’ve been carrying. You are a loving and sweet soul with a very gentle and fragile heart and my greatest wish is that you’ll find a way to extend some compassion toward yourself. You deserve to be treated kindly, with consideration and trust and I hope you are able to recognize that you deserve to be commended those traits and know that you deserve to be free of pain.

I send you a big, comforting cyber-hug and pray your gentle heart eases soon.

Please take care of yourself and forgive me for this excessively long e-mail. I truly care about you and am desperately trying to find the words that will resonate with your poor injured heart.

Peggy (the human)

[Peggy's Human]

Dearest Olivia,

Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and hoping the pain in your heart has lightened. There is no need to respond to any of my posts, unless you feel you want to. I totally understand if you're too overwhelmed to take on the additional stress of replying to posts, it can be emotional and exhausting. Please do whatever you need to help yourself move forward and release the pain and any remaining guilt. Just know that there are many of us out on the web who are keeping you in their thoughts and prayers and who truly care about you.

Big cyber-hug to you, my friend.

Peggy