Too Many Losses This Year, I'm Shattered Options

[tosh]

First time here, coping with the death of a loved friend again. Some may consider it crazy but I had four cats. Two at fourteen years old Sebastian and Tilley. We had since they were both tiny kittens. The other two we have had for seven years, a mother cat and kitten Mishka and Bindy, we rescued from a storm drain where they lived quite wild.

Last September three weeks before i was due to have my first child my beloved fourteen year old cat Sebastian went into kidney failure. I nursed him for almost two weeks until I had to take him to the vet to give him peace. Although with no time to grieve as my daughter was born soon after. I had had him since he was 3 weeks old and felt so close to him, he had the personality of a faithful dog. This March his fourteen year companion Tilley became ill very quickly. She was diagnosed with Feline Aids and Toxoplasmosis. Now with my six month old daughter and quite exhausted from a lack of sleep I cared for Tilley and made her comfortable at home. She slipt away quietly without pain after almost two weeks of feeding her all her favourite things and keeping her warm and peaceful.

The thing I have found about being a new mum is that no matter what happens your baby has to come first. Although by now my heart had been so crushed by the loss of my two old friends. Life had to continue and my daughter is now a beautiful lively and bubbly eight months old. She even has her own distinct baby word for cat.

Now the unthinkable has happened again. I am in shock and completely shattered. My beautiful brave and loving mother cat Mishka has been hit by a car this past weekend. Leaving her adult kitten crying continuously and spending her days searching for her mother. I am unable to deal with this loss as I did with my other two cats. I feel a constant tightness in my chest and cry at the drop of a hat. I think that there must be a limit of how much loss and grief I can cope with. It just seems so cruel, she was such a healthy beautiful and good natured creature. She had overcome such a harsh start to life as a wild cat raising her kittens in a drain. To become a most gentle and lovely house cat who truly apreciated the life she had with us.

I am not sure exactly how to help Bindy through this time of loss or even how long a cat grieves for. It hurts so much to hear her crying at night, I am finding myself staying up at night to comfort her just to help her to get some sleep. I have thought that she would need a companion eventually but I cant bring myself to think about another cat at this point. Bindy has been raised with her mother always close and the two other cats in the house. I'm not sure if she is able to adjust to being a single cat in the house. Although I'm not sure if I can go through this grief again.

In grief, Tosh

[Lana]

Dear Tosh,

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the conflicting emotions and pain you must be going through. It's not weird at all that you had 4 cats. From your story you sound like a really compassionate person and you saved two cats from abjection and despair.

A new daughter and grieving pet are a lot to deal with, and moon_beam is right, you also need to grieve yourself. I don't want to tell you what to do or sound condescending (I'm still figuring out how to cope with grief myself) but at least I can say this: your daughter and even Bindy represent the future, and you (and Bindy) carry with you all the love, memories and lessons of your departed loved ones. While the grieving process is difficult and imprecise, there is a way forward -and you have so much love to give. In a way, focusing your love and attention on your daughter and helping Bindy are ways to honor your furry friends' memories. And Sebastian, Tilley and Mishka will be looking down on you, happy and blessed, helping you every step of the way. In the meantime, you are not alone. We understand the pain you feel, and we will all be here to help you whenever you need it.

My deepest symathies,

-Lana