Too Many Losses This Year, I'm Shattered Options

[tosh]

First time here, coping with the death of a loved friend again. Some may consider it crazy but I had four cats. Two at fourteen years old Sebastian and Tilley. We had since they were both tiny kittens. The other two we have had for seven years, a mother cat and kitten Mishka and Bindy, we rescued from a storm drain where they lived quite wild.

Last September three weeks before i was due to have my first child my beloved fourteen year old cat Sebastian went into kidney failure. I nursed him for almost two weeks until I had to take him to the vet to give him peace. Although with no time to grieve as my daughter was born soon after. I had had him since he was 3 weeks old and felt so close to him, he had the personality of a faithful dog. This March his fourteen year companion Tilley became ill very quickly. She was diagnosed with Feline Aids and Toxoplasmosis. Now with my six month old daughter and quite exhausted from a lack of sleep I cared for Tilley and made her comfortable at home. She slipt away quietly without pain after almost two weeks of feeding her all her favourite things and keeping her warm and peaceful.

The thing I have found about being a new mum is that no matter what happens your baby has to come first. Although by now my heart had been so crushed by the loss of my two old friends. Life had to continue and my daughter is now a beautiful lively and bubbly eight months old. She even has her own distinct baby word for cat.

Now the unthinkable has happened again. I am in shock and completely shattered. My beautiful brave and loving mother cat Mishka has been hit by a car this past weekend. Leaving her adult kitten crying continuously and spending her days searching for her mother. I am unable to deal with this loss as I did with my other two cats. I feel a constant tightness in my chest and cry at the drop of a hat. I think that there must be a limit of how much loss and grief I can cope with. It just seems so cruel, she was such a healthy beautiful and good natured creature. She had overcome such a harsh start to life as a wild cat raising her kittens in a drain. To become a most gentle and lovely house cat who truly apreciated the life she had with us.

I am not sure exactly how to help Bindy through this time of loss or even how long a cat grieves for. It hurts so much to hear her crying at night, I am finding myself staying up at night to comfort her just to help her to get some sleep. I have thought that she would need a companion eventually but I cant bring myself to think about another cat at this point. Bindy has been raised with her mother always close and the two other cats in the house. I'm not sure if she is able to adjust to being a single cat in the house. Although I'm not sure if I can go through this grief again.

In grief, Tosh

[moon_beam]

Hi, Tosh, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in your losses of Sebastian, Tilley, and Mishka. Multiple losses, regardless of the circumstances, are particularly devastating. I am so very sorry.

Tosh, what you are experiencing is very normal for multiple losses in a short period of time. Not only are you having to endure the grief journey of your precious three companions - - which is physically and emotionally exhausting all by itself - - but you are also going through a tremendous adjustment in being a mum to your precious daughter - - which can also be physically and emotionally exhausting. Added to this you have a grieving cat who is used to having other fur family members for comfort and support. I do understand how painful it is for you to hear your little Bindy crying for her mother and other adopted siblings. My Noah is a "sole survivor" in a household that used to have four furkids, and it has been tremendously painful for me to watch him go through the painful adjustment of just having me now as his family.

Yes, cats do grieve. When my number one kitty son Eli joined the angels in December 2006 my little Noah grieved openly for almost 2.5 years. There are times when he still goes upstairs and calls for Eli just as he used to when Eli was physically with us. Noah slept on Eli's comforter for close to 2.5 years before he finally "abandoned" it. And I waited several weeks longer to make sure he no longer returned to Eli's comforter before I finally washed it. It has only been close to 1.5 years since his big doggy brother Oslo joined the angels, and a little over 14 months since his sibling sister Abbygayle joined the angels. The transition to being an "only furchild" has been hard for my little Noah. As long as your little Bindy is eating her food okay and is taking care of her personal needs properly, the only thing you can do for her is try to give her some extra love and attention and reassurance that she is loved and that everything will be okay. And you may notice that as you're comforting your little Bindy you will also feel some comfort as well. Noah was never a cuddles boy with me while he had his other fur family members, but now Noah and I are closer than ever, and he is now my little cuddles - - which I deeply cherish.

Tosh, this is a very traumatic experience you are going through, and what you are feeling is very normal. Sometimes it helps just to know that what we are feeling is normal - - that we really aren't losing our minds. One of the things that is helpful in processing the stress of grief is sharing what is in your heart with others who truly understand what you are going through. And I am so very glad you have honored us with sharing the grief you are feeling in your losses of Sebastian, Tilley, and Mishka. Perhaps sometime you would feel up to sharing pictures of your precious companions - - if you would like to do so.

Tosh, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, and it is particularly hard to grieve when you have a very active daughter and family to take care of. Others need your care and attention, and finding the time to allow your heart to grieve the losses of your beloved furkids is very hard, if not impossible. But I urge you to try to find some "down" time so that you can let your heart grieve. It's important for your health to do this, for grief when it is suppressed can sometimes lead to other health challenges.

One of the many things to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Tosh, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam