New Here...and Very Heart-broken, My Abby Options

[Abby's Mom]

Hello everyone,

My name is Caroline and I live in Ohio. Last Wednesday I lost my beloved jack russell/rat terrier Abby. She died naturally (though she did have cushings and liver disease) and I was with her, holding her and loving on her when she took her last breath. It was gut-wrenching.

Abby was 16 1/2 years old and I'd had her since she was about 8 weeks old. I actually got her for my mom, the day after my dad's funeral. I thought a new pet would be good for my mom but it turned out it was the last thing she wanted. So I took Abby with me, as I fell immediately head over heels in love with her. It was soooo easy-

Soon I found out that Abby had been born on my dad's birthday and that made her even more special than she already was. I truly believe she was the biggest part of what helped me get through that time. As an only child, I was and am very close to my parents.

Anyway, now that my precious little girl is gone, I am drowning in grief. I go through the motions, going to work, making dinner, watching TV, etc. but I cannot shake this incredible sense of loss and feel as though a part of my heart is missing. There are times when it physically hurts.

I am single and live alone and I recently discovered that I am in a demographic that experiences a loss of this nature in the most profound way. Thankfully, I have 2 cats who I have never been more grateful for, however it is completely not the same and I see my little girl all over the house. Last night, I could have sworn I heard her little nails tapping across my hardwood floors.

I talk to her urn and have been innundating myself with photos of her but I can't help but feel as though I am going nuts. Am I suppose to feel this way? Is this normal?

How on earth will I ever feel joy again? It seems rather impossible at the moment. And even when/if I do, I fear that I will also feel guilty, as though I am betraying her memory.

I've been online looking for outlets to help with my loss and I found your site.

Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me? I keep praying that time will heal and part of me does believe that. I just keep waiting for "time" to kick in-

Thanks for listening-
-Abby's Mom

[moon_beam]

Hi, Caroline, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Caroline, this grief adjustment journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride with so many different emotions sometimes overwhelming us all at one time. And yes, anger is one of them - - it's all a part of this horror roller coaster ride - - and there is no specific time for it to be over. I can tell you this, though: Wanting to hold your precious Abby in your arms may ease, but it will never completely entirely pass - - not 30 days from now, 6 months from now, 3 years - - or 30 years - - from now. The deep grief does ease which enables us to remember our beloved companions without the crushing pain in our hearts, but there will always be a part of us that will yearn to hold them "one more time."

The good news is that as your deep grief eases you will be able to remember your precious Abby and smile - - without the crushing pain in your heart or the roller coaster emotions you're having now. I hope this will bring some comfort and encouragement to you, Caroline, as the love bond you and your precious Abby share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space.

Caroline, I hope today is being kind to you, and that you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam