New Here...and Very Heart-broken, My Abby Options

[Abby's Mom]

Hello everyone,

My name is Caroline and I live in Ohio. Last Wednesday I lost my beloved jack russell/rat terrier Abby. She died naturally (though she did have cushings and liver disease) and I was with her, holding her and loving on her when she took her last breath. It was gut-wrenching.

Abby was 16 1/2 years old and I'd had her since she was about 8 weeks old. I actually got her for my mom, the day after my dad's funeral. I thought a new pet would be good for my mom but it turned out it was the last thing she wanted. So I took Abby with me, as I fell immediately head over heels in love with her. It was soooo easy-

Soon I found out that Abby had been born on my dad's birthday and that made her even more special than she already was. I truly believe she was the biggest part of what helped me get through that time. As an only child, I was and am very close to my parents.

Anyway, now that my precious little girl is gone, I am drowning in grief. I go through the motions, going to work, making dinner, watching TV, etc. but I cannot shake this incredible sense of loss and feel as though a part of my heart is missing. There are times when it physically hurts.

I am single and live alone and I recently discovered that I am in a demographic that experiences a loss of this nature in the most profound way. Thankfully, I have 2 cats who I have never been more grateful for, however it is completely not the same and I see my little girl all over the house. Last night, I could have sworn I heard her little nails tapping across my hardwood floors.

I talk to her urn and have been innundating myself with photos of her but I can't help but feel as though I am going nuts. Am I suppose to feel this way? Is this normal?

How on earth will I ever feel joy again? It seems rather impossible at the moment. And even when/if I do, I fear that I will also feel guilty, as though I am betraying her memory.

I've been online looking for outlets to help with my loss and I found your site.

Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me? I keep praying that time will heal and part of me does believe that. I just keep waiting for "time" to kick in-

Thanks for listening-
-Abby's Mom

[Abby's Mom]

Missing my baby an awful lot today. I called a good friend back tonight, who was one of the people I text'd on the day Abby passed away to let them know. She has never known me without Abby and we've known one another since the late 90's. I told her it took me so long to call her back because I am just now finding a way to talk about my little girl without turning into a blubbering idiot-

She too is a for real pet lover and completely understands how I'm feeling. One of her girls is named Abby too and she said everytime she calls her name, she thinks of my precious one.

We talked a long time and I guess it just brought it all back. The day of her death and the circumstances leading up to it. I went home tonight, lit the candle next to her urn and fave toys (as I do every night) and I cried a while. Longer than I have in days. And now, I find myself consumed once again with all that I have lost and how very much I am missing my baby.

Gosh, it just never gets easy. It subsides for brief periods but it only takes a second to find yourself right back in the thick of the grief cycle. This Wednesday will be 2 weeks since I lost Abby and the pain is just as real tonight as it has ever been. Damn this process! There are now times when I feel angry, as if some wrong has been done to me. I know that isn't really true but I feel it nonetheless. The anger doesn't last long but the loneliness surely does.

God, I want her back! I'd give every cent and everything that I have just to have her in my arms again. I know that we all feel that way and that this too will pass.

Just having a not so great night and wanted to share how I'm feeling.

Thanks again to all you guys for helping to hold me up with all your kind words and cyber hugs-

If you have a chance tonight, look up into the heavens and tell Abby that her mom misses her like crazy and loves her so much.