New Here...and Very Heart-broken, My Abby Options

[Abby's Mom]

Hello everyone,

My name is Caroline and I live in Ohio. Last Wednesday I lost my beloved jack russell/rat terrier Abby. She died naturally (though she did have cushings and liver disease) and I was with her, holding her and loving on her when she took her last breath. It was gut-wrenching.

Abby was 16 1/2 years old and I'd had her since she was about 8 weeks old. I actually got her for my mom, the day after my dad's funeral. I thought a new pet would be good for my mom but it turned out it was the last thing she wanted. So I took Abby with me, as I fell immediately head over heels in love with her. It was soooo easy-

Soon I found out that Abby had been born on my dad's birthday and that made her even more special than she already was. I truly believe she was the biggest part of what helped me get through that time. As an only child, I was and am very close to my parents.

Anyway, now that my precious little girl is gone, I am drowning in grief. I go through the motions, going to work, making dinner, watching TV, etc. but I cannot shake this incredible sense of loss and feel as though a part of my heart is missing. There are times when it physically hurts.

I am single and live alone and I recently discovered that I am in a demographic that experiences a loss of this nature in the most profound way. Thankfully, I have 2 cats who I have never been more grateful for, however it is completely not the same and I see my little girl all over the house. Last night, I could have sworn I heard her little nails tapping across my hardwood floors.

I talk to her urn and have been innundating myself with photos of her but I can't help but feel as though I am going nuts. Am I suppose to feel this way? Is this normal?

How on earth will I ever feel joy again? It seems rather impossible at the moment. And even when/if I do, I fear that I will also feel guilty, as though I am betraying her memory.

I've been online looking for outlets to help with my loss and I found your site.

Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me? I keep praying that time will heal and part of me does believe that. I just keep waiting for "time" to kick in-

Thanks for listening-
-Abby's Mom

[moon_beam]

Hi, Caroline, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Each day during this grief adjustment journey is a "first" for something, and each one is very hard to endure. All the things and activities that were enjoyable were enjoyable because we were sharing them with our precious beloved companion. During the deep grief it can feel like NOTHING will ever be enjoyable again because our hearts are so heavily burdened by sorrow.

Hopefully in time you will come to know that your precious Abby's sweet Living Spirit is still with you - - is still continuing to share ALL of your activities just as she always has and always will. She's still there with you as you're mowing, gardening, fixing dinner - - and she still enjoys hearing your sweet voice talk to her lifting heavenward sharing everything that is in your heart and how your day has been. Even though she is sharing your life in real time now - - as opposed to having to wait for you to come home from work or shopping or visiting friends, etc. - - she still enjoys listening to whatever you want to share with her.

Caroline, thank you again for sharing with us how you're doing. I wish there were a way to make this adjustment journey easier for you. The only thing I can do is offer you my sincerest friendship and encouragement in the hope that somehow it will bring some comfort to you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Caroline, and I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam