New Here...and Very Heart-broken, My Abby Options

[Abby's Mom]

Hello everyone,

My name is Caroline and I live in Ohio. Last Wednesday I lost my beloved jack russell/rat terrier Abby. She died naturally (though she did have cushings and liver disease) and I was with her, holding her and loving on her when she took her last breath. It was gut-wrenching.

Abby was 16 1/2 years old and I'd had her since she was about 8 weeks old. I actually got her for my mom, the day after my dad's funeral. I thought a new pet would be good for my mom but it turned out it was the last thing she wanted. So I took Abby with me, as I fell immediately head over heels in love with her. It was soooo easy-

Soon I found out that Abby had been born on my dad's birthday and that made her even more special than she already was. I truly believe she was the biggest part of what helped me get through that time. As an only child, I was and am very close to my parents.

Anyway, now that my precious little girl is gone, I am drowning in grief. I go through the motions, going to work, making dinner, watching TV, etc. but I cannot shake this incredible sense of loss and feel as though a part of my heart is missing. There are times when it physically hurts.

I am single and live alone and I recently discovered that I am in a demographic that experiences a loss of this nature in the most profound way. Thankfully, I have 2 cats who I have never been more grateful for, however it is completely not the same and I see my little girl all over the house. Last night, I could have sworn I heard her little nails tapping across my hardwood floors.

I talk to her urn and have been innundating myself with photos of her but I can't help but feel as though I am going nuts. Am I suppose to feel this way? Is this normal?

How on earth will I ever feel joy again? It seems rather impossible at the moment. And even when/if I do, I fear that I will also feel guilty, as though I am betraying her memory.

I've been online looking for outlets to help with my loss and I found your site.

Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me? I keep praying that time will heal and part of me does believe that. I just keep waiting for "time" to kick in-

Thanks for listening-
-Abby's Mom

[Abby's Mom]

Thanks to all for your words of encouragement.

I have to say that tomorrow will be one week since my baby passed away and I'm worried about how the day will go.

Strangely enough, tonight I have felt the tiniest twinge of peace. I'm not sure if it will last long but I only cried a little tonight and did not experience the usual waves of uncontrollable sobs that I have endured every day for the last week. I know your kind words are helping. That and talking to my mom. I still can't talk to other people about Abby without tearing up or worse so I'm playing it pretty safe when I am out in the world. As you guys have said, not everyone understands this type of grief.

Anyway, I thought you might enjoy seeing a picture of my precious Abby. This one was captured a few years ago quite by accident and it's always been one of my fave photos of her. I have lots more and I hope to feel up to sharing them soon.

I can't tell you enough how grateful I am to have found this site and the wonderful souls here-

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