I Just Can't Cope Options

[olivia]

.

[Gretta's Mom]

Dear Olivia,

I am SO sorry about the passing of your beloved dog. Nobody's words can ease the pain right now, but there is some comfort in knowing that there are people out there/here that know almost exactly what you're going through. (Nobody can know someone else's experience exactly, I think.)

Your story is so much like mine with my Gretta, a 12.5 year old chocolate lab rescue dog who chose me at an adoption event when she was 9 and was my "mistress" until she passed. Gretta had the best vet in this city (and maybe beyond). He took care of her when the rescue organization first brought her in from the streets where she was living. He took the best care of her. He loved her almost as much as I do :). Gretta began limping about a year ago. The vet thought she might have should cancer, but took X-rays and they were clean. She got along on pain and joint meds until about two months before she went home. We could only go an around-the-block walks. She crashed in one day. By 3 PM she could only stand but not walk. i took her to the U of MN Vet School clinic (it was a Saturday) where they examined her and said she was in neck and back pain and (I knew) hadn't urinated all day. I was afraid. I was afraid I couldn't take care of her that night. She weighed 65 pounds and we live 5 steps above the street. No urination for that long was not a good sign. I feel like a chickenm but I asked them if they could keep her overnight. She slept there that night and the next morning the senior vet called me saying Gretta had many pain points, still hadn't urinated, and started talking about MRI, surgery, etc. Like you, I said no. My beautiful, kind Gretta was NOT going to go through the pain and risk of major surgery - just like your dog. I asked the vet if it was time and she indirectly said it was. Like you, I made that decision running on the fumes of love for Gretta. I went to the vet school, saw her, wesaid our last wrods to each other on this side, and I told the vet to insert the catheter. After a few more words and tears, I said it was time. Two deep breaths and she relaxed into my arms. I was the one who siad, "She's gone."

Like you, I have guilt and remorse over having left beautiful Gretta all alone in a strange - and painful - place on what was to be her last night on this earth. Who would do that knowingly? Not me, not you, not anyone who has ever loved and been loved by a soul-dog, one sent from heaven especially for you. We know, we FEEL, what is right. ANd we can do this because of the bond of love between us - which never goes away. Remember the times your dog did something to make you say, "Yup, dogs are smarter than people"? Well, they're STILL smarter than we are. As Bobbie said, they KNOW and they are SURE that everything - I mean everything - we did for them was done out of pure unadulterated love. You did the absolutely right thing. Olivia. Your dog knows this even though you are feeling so bad about what happened and what you think you did wrong. Trust me, trust everyone who has known the love of a dog, trust your dog even now - you did the absolutely right thing.

I write a diary to Gretta every day - what happened that day, how much I miss her, how much I love her and how deeply grateful I am for her choice of me - out of everyone in the world - to bestow her love and kindness on. It a blessing. If it weren't we surely wouldn't feel so bad now.

Please let us know how you are doing. Peggy Mom helped me post two pictures of Gretta. Someone can help you if you want to post pictures. I'm sure we'd all be blown away by them.

Something just occured to me: this site isn't just for pet loss and grieving. It's made up of people who have met, lived with, loved and been loved by their soul-pets. We're together in this.

Gretta's mom