Crying Again Options

[susanka1113]

Hi all,

I need to rant some more. It seems that Tuesdays will be hard for a while. It's 3 weeks to the day that we had to say goodbye to Kona. I realize that I've cried every single day since she's been gone. Some days it's just a few tears, but other days it's a deluge, and today is a deluge.

I'm starting to feel guilty for euthanizing her. I'm starting to think of the "what ifs". Maybe if I'd had her spleen removed, it wouldn't have been so bad and she'd still be with us today. I didn't want to put her through any more big surgeries. When we had her leg amputated in August it was very hard to watch. She had a bad reaction to the codeine and whined like she was in pain for a week. But, we got through it and she thrived with only 3 legs.

I guess this doesn't make sense if I haven't explained Kona's illness. She was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in August for which we had her leg amputated. We contemplated chemo, but decided against it for it would not cure the cancer, only delay the inevitable and might make her sick. Early in November she suddenly stopped moving and refused to eat. We took her in and they took x-rays and found that the cancer had spread to her lungs and that she had masses in her spleen. The vet said the masses might bleed and the symptoms would be bloating and immobility.

I keep going back to the day we took her to the vet that last time. She'd had a bad night. She was bloated to about twice her normal size and couldn't get comfortable. But, when we took her to the vet, she seemed to perk up. She didn't know what was coming. I'll never forget seeing her head sort of bob and rest on the floor that last time.

Guess it's time to get another box of kleenex

Susan

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[DJ - Edgar, Jess...]

What you have gone through with Kona's illness - and the incredible lengths you went to in order to try to save her life - you deserve to let yourself grieve for a while.

You are clearly the type of person we all try to be - and don't you dare feel guilty for finally relieving Kona's misery!! You have put yourself through repeated worry, panic, pain and heartbreak in order to give Kona as many chances as you could!!

There comes a time - in many people's lives - when they have to stand up and say "No more." We say it when we see injustice, we say it when we see suffering. You were brave and courageous enough to say "No more." And when nature would not ease Kona's suffering - and seemed determined to drag things out - you took your stand and said "No more."

Was it the right decision? YES
Was it a brave and noble thing to do? YES
Would you do it again if someone you love was in pain? I HOPE the answer is YES

She may not have known what was coming, but I have NO doubt that somewhere she is thanking the universe that her family was one of such loving, inspirational people - who went as far as they could before they finally helped her to sleep.

HUGS