How Do You Know When It's Time? Options

[Bobbie]

My Trevor is slowly dying from a bunch of neurologic problems. Most of the time his pain is controlled by medication given every 3 hours. But then there are the nights that he and I are up for hours. Trevor is pacing, digging into the carpet, shaking his head and whimpering with pain. I give him many extra doses of pain medication, antihistamines and sedatives and then wait for them to "kick in". This can take up to another half-hour. He does not like to be touched at all during these episodes and, since he's almost deaf, he cannot hear soothing words. So I either sit or lie with him on the floor. When he does, finally, fall asleep, I cover him with his blanket and lie down beside him, covering his paw with my hand. That seems to be comforting to Trevor.
Trevor's neurologist says that Trevor will not die of the neuro problems. It will be a quality of life issue. Oh, great.
My problem is this: with each of my other ##er Spaniels, I knew exactly when it was time. This time I have no idea. I do NOT want Trevor to suffer, but there are times when he is doing just that. And yet, afternoons and evenings are decent times for him. And my heart just breaks when I think of him not being here (with me). Then I feel selfish, then I feel scared, etc. etc. etc.

Is there anyone who might be willing to share any advice they have?

I love Trevor with all my heart and soul. He is a 12 year old rescue dog that we've had to almost 2 years. He is such a good boy, even with all his "issues" and I want only the VERY BEST for him.
Thanks so much!
Trevor's very sad mom

[Bobbie]

[size="3"][/size]Dear Peggy's Human and Moon Beam,

I am so very grateful for your consoling, encouraging and supportive words! You both have given me the insight and courage to go forward with Trevor. His "new" vet owns a mobile clinic now and really does like and respect Trevor. In addition he has given me advice over the phone many times - at no cost to me and no trauma for Trevor. I have also found another Vet Hospital that does sedation grooming, so those challenges are off the front burner for now.

Trevor had a bad night starting around 12 midnight. This time I nailed him with everything at one time, instead of waiting to see what might be working. You know, I have no qualms if I should accidentally overdose him (I would NEVER do it on purpose) because he would go so very peacefully, in his home, with mommy and daddy sleeping right next to him. Trevor did fall fast asleep in abut 20 minutes and made it through the rest of the night and well past 10:00 am! He would wake up just enough to take his pills, in a dog food "ball" and go right back to sleep.

Trevor looks so peacefull and secure when he is sleeping. He knows he is safe and that mommy is with him. At least I hope he knows that. When he's awake he follows me everywhere in the house. Even into the bathroom where his Cheerio's are waiting (he gets 4). Matter of fact, if he is in a deep sleep, in the living room, and I quietly get up to leave the room, he immediately wakes up and tries to find me. He'll even try to come up the stairs if I leave that gate open. He is mommy's boy. And such a wonderful boy!

Trevor used to BITE us when we first got him and we did things he didn't like. We thought he was just an aggressive dog. We weren't used to that in ##er Spaniels because none of our other boys ever did that. It took us several months to go up to University of PA Vet School and there we found out what his real problem was: severe hydrocephalus, Chiari malformation and sphyngomyelia. We found out that these conditions made Trevor extremely claustrophobic, affected his sight and depth perception and his hearing. Trevor also hated to be picked up. So from then on, we didn't do anything that Trevor didn't like and he hasn't even nipped at us since!

Again, I thank you wonderful supporters, for allowing me to lean on you and tell you all about my boy. May you be blessed with love, happiness and contentment every day of your lives!

Gratefully,
Bobbie (Trevor's mom)

PS: yes, expect more tonight.

[Peggy's Human]

Hi Bobbie,

Thank you for posting an update so quickly, you have been on my mind since I read your story last night. I'm sorry Trevor experienced difficulty and pain last night but good for you, throwing everything but the kitchen sink into him so quickly! In your current situation, I completely agree that it's best to aggressively medicate to stop the pain than to take an overly cautious route by slowly medicating. You stopped the pain and allowed him to get much needed rest so it ended up being a good night for you both, thank God! I am also so happy to hear that you found a vet that values Trevor. I too have encountered vets that don't seem to like animals. I have no understanding of those people, nor do I have any patience for them. I am so happy you found a vet that has the animal and people skills which are so necessary to truly excel in that profession. Hopefully, your new vet will be able to help guide you through this most dificult and emotional roller coaster. It does sound like you're feeling a bit more comfortable today and the self-doubt and questioning has subsided. I truly hope that is the case.

I have no doubt that Trevor is fully aware of your presence, even when asleep. When my sweet Peggy (The Dog) came to us at the age of 2 and a half, she had been very mistreated by the breeder who had her. In my entire life, I had never met an animal withh so many fears. It took several years to get her past all of them and I knew for sure that she felt safe when we reached a point where she would sleep so soundly that she often missed that someone was knocking at the door (maybe her snoring was drowing it out? LOL). Turns out that she NEVER slept throug anyone coming on the property when she was home with my mother and I was out but would sleep through a lot when I was home. I finally realized that when I was here, she felt safe enough to go into a deep sleep and trutsted that I would keep her safe - not that she didn't feel safe with Mom but she recognized I was the stronger personality and was in the 'alpha' role of the pack. I think her first truly deep sleep was sometime in the first year after she came to us. Medicated or not, only a creature that feels truly safe will allow themselves to go that deep into sleep. I have no dout that Trevor knows he's safe but as you said, he's so attuned to you that if you get up to leave the room, he pulls himself out of his slumber to find/follow you. You are his security blanket! As long as you're around, he's safe and can completely relax.

Thank you for sharing some of his history. It's sad how many of us have these beautiful, sweet souls come to us from horrible circumstances. I don't know how people can treat another living being the way some of these animals have been treated but thankfully, some of them finally find loving homes, like your Trevor. I hope today is being kind to you and Trevor and that you'll be able to share some 'quality time' together. I also pray that you'll both have a peacful night with much healing sleep.

Take care of yourself and please keep us posted on how things are going, when you have time.

Peggy