New Here, About to join the ranks Options

[Michelle P]

Hello everyone! I am new here, & while this is a tough forum to be on I am glad I found it. I'm having a hard time reading the threads ---tears tears tears ---but I am getting through them slowly.

We are going to have to put down our beloved 15 year old tabby soon --& it is KILLING me.

Jake & Elwood came to us --litter mates --when they were 7 weeks old. 8 years ago Jake developed diabetes. Many trips to the vet to get him regulated --for about 6 months & then they discontinued his insulin. Had to start over --more trips to the vet (& he is NOT a good traveler!) -- got him regulated somewhat. Then I found a terrific forum for feline diabetes. I learned about testing before each shot. So --to add to the 2 sticks a day of insulin --I started sticking his ear twice a day. All I had to do is say "Come here Jake" & he would come sit on my lap, all ready to be poked. Even purring. So sweet.

He definitely got the short end of the stick. He's had a urinary blockage --- an abscess on his chin --- & last year a liver issue.At that time they suggested putting him down, but I took fluids home & gave him some meds & he totally turned around. Even the vet was shocked that he made a full recovery.

Now he's dwindled from his high 22 lbs to just 8. He's developed neuropathy from the diabetes & can barely see. A few days ago he started not putting his butt all the way down when peeing --- so we bought a mat to put under the box. Now, yesterday, I saw him pee outside of his litter box. He has never ever done that. I think that is my sign. I'm trying to get a urine sample to take to the vet, hoping it's just a bladder infection. But deep down I know this is it. I can't stop crying. I was crying at work all day yesterday --- & we haven't even done it yet. I feel like I can't. These are my first pets ever. I had a dog & 3 cats growing up --but the health issues & decisions were that of my parents. I had a hard time losing my dog --I was only 13 --but all the cats died after I left the house & it just wasn't as hard.

I feel like I am always going to cry. My kids don't know life without Jake. We've never had just one cat. And his poor brother Elwood --he will be lost. Every time he cries for Jake I will lose it. I will never get over losing him.

I lost my dad 8 years ago --just 2 months before Jake developed the diabetes -- at the young age of 57. Of course it was tragic & I had a hard time for a LONG time --& of course I still cry. But I think it's the innocence of animals that I can't cope with --every time Jake looks at me & meows while purring, I feel horrible.

Ok, I am bawling now -- I will wake up with puffy eyes once again tomorrow.

I do look forward to getting to know everyone -- & I'm hoping you all can help me work through the grief that has started before he is even gone

Michelle

[Cheryl83]

Dear Michelle,

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. You're experiencing anticipatory grief now and this is every bit as painful and real as the grief that follows. What a lucky boy Jake is to have found you (and vice versa). He has been through a lot; but you have been there for him, caring for him and loving him every step of the way. He is forever grateful for this. Michelle, it has been said that euthanasia is the last gift of love and kindess that we can give our babies. I know it will be so difficult for you, but I truly believe you will know in your heart when the time is right, and you will do the right thing for your precious Jake.

I'm so pleased you have found this forum (though sorry that you've had to). It is important that you don't feel alone. We are all here for you every step of the way.

Please take care of yourself and keep us updated on the situation. I will be thinking of you.

Cheryl xx