Feeling A Lot Of Guilt - Help! Options

[chessielover]

So this past Monday I had to have one of my three Chesapeake Bay Retrievers, Sophie, put to sleep. She was just over 5 years old. We had tried for the past three years to cure her of her extreme aggressiveness toward other dogs, but nothing ever seemed to work. She attacked other dogs we owned, friend's dogs, family member's dogs, all with the very real attempt to do serious injury. We tried two different professional trainers in our home, medication, behavioral modification, all to no avail.

Here's the hard part. On her own, she was the sweetest, most loving dog. She had a zest for life that was hard to match. She was a joy to watch run across a field chasing the ball over and over and over. People outside our family (I live with my husband) really didn't have any clue how bad things really were for us. We lived for over a year with gates up all over our house to keep her away from our other two dogs, Grimmy (our male) and Fiona (our female). Then one day a friend came over and made a mistake and let her in with our other dogs. Sophie attacked Fiona, and my husband got bit very badly while separating them. For me, that seemed like the final blow. I had to protect my family. So I made the hard decision.

My husband, over emotional soul that he is, would not even come to the vet with me, but I wanted Sophie to have Mommy with her every last second. I felt I owed her that. I know I did the right thing in my heart of hearts because I really felt that she was not a trustworthy dog, even in an only dog home, but now I lay awake at night and just think about her all the time. And I'm just not getting any support from my friends because they really don't "get" how bad our situation really was. Some of them keep asking why I didn't just take her to a shelter. The thing is that I worked at an animal shelter in college and I used to hate people who brought in aggressive animals and wanted us to adopt them out. They almost always got put to sleep. I would rather have Sophie know that I was there with her at the end than some stranger.

At the same time, their words really hurt because I just want someone to tell me I did the right thing and acknowledge that I have the right to feel the pain that I feel at losing her. Because despite her flaws, she still left huge, romping footprints on my heart.

Thanks for reading this all. Any words of encouragement would mean the world to me. I need to find the strength to get off the couch and move on.

[chessielover]

Hello all.

I just wanted to let you know how I was doing. I have gotten off my couch and into my yard to make it ready for this year's garden. I still feel the void in the house and in my heart, but it feels a little bit less. The hardest part is that so many of our friends have shut us out of our lives because they either disagree with the choice I made or are not comfortable with it. It hurts a lot, when I know that the choice was no one's to make but my own.

I am grateful that I have my other dogs, bossy Fiona and cuddly Grimmy. They have finally started to warm up to the idea that Mommy is now available more often because I am not locked into the part of the house that formerly belonged to Sophie. It's strange to live in a house without gates. It feels freeing, but then I feel guilty too.

Here is a picture of my other two Chessies: Fiona is wearing her booty shorts because she was in heat at the time. Don't worry pet lovers: we are responsible owners! Grimmy comes from champion lines, is PRA negative, and is OFA certified on his hips and elbows. Fiona comes from champion lines, is PRA negative, and will not, I repeat, not be bred unless she too passes her OFA certification on her hips and elbows after she turns two. (Sorry, I hate being lumped in unintentionally with thoughtless backyard breeders). We love our Chessies and searched long and hard before we found the right bloodline and personality match for Grimmy and us.

Grimmy is a total lovebug, who will give you the chessie smile (it's like a sneer) and crawl into my lap, grunting like a pig for more scratches. Fiona, on the other hand, is a wild child, who will actually talk back (baaawooolf) if she is not getting her way. I would be lost without them.

Thanks again to all. And I hope someone has some advice on how to deal with, or act around some of the people who keep giving us the cold shoulder. I just am a little upset that people feel that I don't deserve to feel bad about the choice that I made. I know things are easier for our family dynamics now--we can actually have people over now--but that doesn't mean that I'm still not grieving.

Best to all.

Chessielover.

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