We Had To Let Our Myah Go..... Options

[doe2658]

Hello everyone,
I am new here,we lost our yorkie Myah on Tuesday.March 1st. She was 10 years young! I want to apologize for this lengthy post.

Here is a timeline of events~
She was diagnosed with cushings disease 2 weeks ago, one of the tests was an ultrasound to determine if the cuhings disease was in the adrenal glands or pituitary glands, during the ultrasound they discovered a mass on her liver. So we put the cushings disease treatment (which wasn't life threatening) on hold so we could tackle the tumor.
The surgeons thought it was in one of her lobes so the plan was to open her up for exploratory surgery, take a biopsy, and if they could get the lobe out without any complications they would proceed. During the procedure, (while Myah was still under the anesthetic) the Dr. called and gave us the worse news possible. He stated that the main tumor was the size of a golf ball, and was "friable" ( meaning thin and easily torn) as they tried to manipulate the tumor, which was embedded far up in the lobe, it tore, they decided then that it was not removeable.They discovered another tumor on the other side of her liver and did remove that one. His main concern at this point was~ "Do we wake her up, or do we let her go peacefully."

***added on March 4th~ I did go in to get Myah's blanket and the locks of hair they had saved for us, Dr. came out to check on how I wa doing, he told me that after Myah passed, he did go back in and removed the larger tumor ( which he showed me) It was huge, and very ugly looking.

Just a bit of backpedling here~ Myah was a larger yorkie, almost 18 lbs. From the start she loved being in our pool. She would jump off of the diving board, she had her own raft ( she was our "pool girl") Everyone that came over knew it wa her pool, her rules!

The Dr. stated on the phone that his concern was this~ If we wake her up, send her home ( for a painful recovery) and given what they had discovered about the tumor (it could easily tear and she could bleed to death) she was living on borrowed time, as he thought she might have 6 weeks-2months.

Our dilema was~ Can't we just have her for one more pool season. Then the Dr. stated "she won't make it to pool season." With that we decided what we wanted was more time for US, we weren't thinking about Myah's time and her possible suffering, as she wasn't going to get better, she wasn't fixable at this point.
This was by far, one of the hardest decisions we have ever had to make, let her go peacefully and somewhat healthy, (at least for the time being.) Her outward appearance showed no signs of the disease that was ravaging her liver.

I have been so positive, hoping for the best, yet in the back of my mind bracing for the worst. I am a true believer that sometimes God says Yes, and sometimes he says No. He had a reason for wanting our Myah right now.

W said at the time we decided to let her go that,

1) We owed it to her to let her go peacefully
2) We would not second guess ourselves.
3) She wasn't going to be the same Myah we had known for 10 years.
Well, here we are totally throwing out all of that, hurting so badly, I found this forum, read through the stories of beloved pets, and knew I had to share my feelings.

The house feels so cold and empty without her, we are having her cremated so we will have an urn with her cremains soon. Everywhere we turn, everything we do always revolved around Myah and her sister Molly who is 9, she is missing her teribly.

I appreciate the opportunity to share, and I welcome anyones commets and suggestions for dealing with our loss.
Thank you all so much,
Doe

[moon_beam]

Hi, Doe, there is no doubt that you and your husband did the very best for your Myah - - at great sacrifice to you both. I do know how hard it is to reconcile the "decision" when all we really want is to have our precious companions back with us - - healthy and happy. Unfortunately their physical bodies are like ours - - they are not designed for immortality on this side of eternity, and also unfortuately, their physical years are shorter than ours. When they precede us to the angels, they do take a part of us with them to cherish until it is our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. This is one of the many reasons why we feel like a part of us missing, particularly during the deep grief. Hopefully in time as the deep grief eases you will come to know that your precious Myah is forever with you in your heart and memories - - she is always a heartbeat close to you. Nothing, not even the dimming of our minds through age - - can ever diminish the eternal love bond you have with your precious Myah. I promise you this, Doe.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Doe. I hope this weekend will be a peaceful one for you and your husband, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam