I Am So Sad, Shadow was euthanized Options

[Ohev]

A couple of weeks ago my brother-in-law died. We took our Golden Retriever to the Kennel to be boarded. The funeral was in Alabama and I live in Illinois. The morning we left I gave Shadow a hug, told him I loved him and as usual he smiled and extended his paw to show affection. About 2 hours from our destination I received a call from the kennel saying that Shadow wasn't eating and was not getting up. I gave the permission to take him to the ER Clinic and had a friend meet them at the clinic. 20 miles from my destination I got a call from the clinic and was told that they did an Xray and there was s "mass" which was probably cancer and that Shadow was dying. I was given the optionof having them do exploratory surgery which would have cost between $3k and 4k. and that the dog may not have survived and it could effect his quality of life etc.... My friend who was there was a dog lover and I trusted her judgement. She thought it was best that Shadow be euthanized. I wanted to turn around and return home, but by the time I would have returned he would have suffered and not been alive. My wife and I agreed to euthanize. I had my friend hold the dog and put the cell phone to hid ear during the process. My friend said as soon as he heard my voice, he relaxed. I gave thanks to Shadow for being my best friend and shared my love and good byes. He died while I spoke with him. I got through my Brother-in law, funeral and returned home in a couple of days to an empty house. I wish I could have been there when Shadow died. He was always there for me. It was not meant to be. It is so hard to be my house. I love my wife, but I still struggle. We have had a dog for the last twenty seven years. Our two kids are grown and live a distance away. Not having Shadow is just so difficult. He was always near me and would follow me around the house. Every AM at 6AM he would wake us up. I hope I will recover from this loss. We plan on getting another Golden in a few months. I guess at some level I don't want to portray that I can get another dog to "replace" Shadow.
It is helpful for me to write this note. I am letting those who have lost a friend know that you are not alone.
Ohev

[Ohev]

Hello again,
Well my wife and I went to this very small town in Illinois looking for another Golden. I was very surprised and a little disturbed. The website portrayed this place as very reputable. However, I believe it was a "puppy mill". There were many older dogs in runs that they were trying to breed. The runs were not clean and the dogs looked unhappy and sad. They had several litters. One mother gave birth that morning and had a c section. Blood was coming from the incision while the babies were trying to feed. It did not look like a good situation.
I took a bunch of pictures and am considering sending them to the APL. This experience was helpful to me. I need to not be impulsive. I was looking to get Shadow back. I obviously can not do this. I believe what we need to do is take our time and find the right dog at the right time. The intensity of my sadness is less. I miss him, but I now know I can not replace him. I will put together a book of photos and focus on the wonderful times we had together. Thank you all for your support.
Ohev