Sweet Sable, released her today Options

[Mink&WillowsMom]

Many of you have been following Sable's saga. (In Lost & Missing, "Do Finders Have to be Keepers?") This morning I took her to the vet's to let her go. Such a sweet girl. Three years ago I found her on the freeway, near death, stranded in the grassy median. Brought her home, and after a week of thinking it over, she decided to live. Fattened up to 10 pounds, though remained with weak kidneys, and arthritis in her shoulder. She purred me to sleep, and purred me awake, always sleeping right next to my head. After about a year, she seemed to 'wake up' a bit, and get off the bed to sit in the livingroom, or go lie in the sun on the back porch.

Over this winter, she was back to sleeping about 23 hours a day. I'd been noticing a decline, but of course it's always gradual. Last week I suddenly saw that she was really winding down, getting ready to go. I realized she'd stopped eating. Still, she purred. She and I talked about euthanasia, and I asked her to tell me when she was ready. Last night I got home from work, and through the evening every so often she'd let out a meow/howl of pain. She was able to get to sleep again around midnight, so I was able to get sleep last night, then first thing this morning took her to the vet.

I'm almost finished digging her grave. I'm grateful the sun is shining, since it's still below freezing. That's my biggest concern, she hated being cold. I know she's out of her body now, but still. She's wrapped in a fleece blanket, and has a little cardboard coffin box too.

It took a long time for us to bond, but we did. My love for her was quiet and full of compassion. I loved her morning serenades, purring me awake. For pics, and to read more of her story, click here: Sable's Story Part I and Sable's story part II.

[Mink&WillowsMom]

I know it makes sense to feel relieved she died before she became incontinent. She was starting to dribble, which is why I had the fleece blanket under her. My concern is that she'd let go and it would soak through and ruin my mattress. I needed to get a waterproof pad, and felt this underlying stress because I hadn't yet. Seeing her final decline, I felt stress waiting for the shoe to drop. So now that she's gone, I feel relief. And a little bit bad because I do.

I know better. Yet still a little lingering sense that I'm dishonoring her for feeling this way. Truly, I *know* better. I know death brings a myriad of feelings, and there's room in us for all of them. Yet there's a tiny part of me that thinks I'm not being sad enough, or my relief means I didn't love her enough. So it's not the feelings that are bothering me, but this judgment about them. Does it make sense that I feel a little bad for not feeling bad enough? ~Kim