My Precious Baby Girl Options

[rainbohdi]

I am new here and not sure if is ok for me to be posting this so soon, but I guess someone will tell me if it's not.

I also don't know if it's ok to say what happened to her because it was so very awful and people might find it too hard to read, perhaps someone could tell me about that too.

I have supportive friends and they are all devastated that she is gone, even moreso because of how she went.

I couldn't have human babies so she was my one and only baby girl and my most precious love. She was 15 but still so agile and full of life and she neither acted nor looked her age. She loved me, her other people and life so very deeply. She made people smile every day, from her extended family to total strangers out on her walks. Even people who'd say they weren't dog people seemed to make an exception for her.

I know I have to go on, but it has been me and her for so long now that I don't know how to be just me. Every second of each day I have to fight the urge to curl up in a corner and die. I just miss her so badly it feels like every cell in my body is distressed, there is an ache and an emptiness I think will be there forever.

I couldn't save my sweet little girl, she trusted me to keep her safe and cared for and I just couldn't keep her safe this one time she needed it more than ever.

I hope everyone else suffering the pain of the loss of their babies is as ok as anyone can be at a time like this.

rb

[rainbohdi]

i made a powerpoint slideshow of pictures from when she was a puppy right up to days before she died. it will be running on my laptop during the memorial.

i got the balloons for the release in black and pink, because she was completely black with a cute pink tongue. there will be 15 because she had that many years alive.

a friend who does services is going to read some stuff that is actuallly quite nice, then i am going to read "just a dog" (not sure where i found that but it has a message in it i want everyone to hear and when i read it to my friend who can't come, she thought i had written it because it was so fitting for me and bohdi). i hope i will be able to read it and not have to have my friend take over, it feels important i say the words.

i am making some little cards so the people can put their name on and also a little memory they have of bohdi ... i plan to use these in the scrapbook i do for bohdi.

i have a friend who is taking care of cake and coffee for after. we are having it at the far edge of a special picnic area because it was a place bohdi could always spend ages investigating and also because there is a little bridge right by it and my girl loved bridges. whenever we saw one she wanted to go across it, never did figure out why but i think it's kinda cute.

have a friend who will video it. i hope it will be nice and that we have everything covered.




it's 12.55am, i have been awake since 12.30 the night before ... i've upped the dosage on my medications. i need to let myself cry but i'm so scared of the feelings swallowing me whole and then me ending up in lalaland.

[Juturna]

i made a powerpoint slideshow of pictures from when she was a puppy right up to days before she died. it will be running on my laptop during the memorial.

i got the balloons for the release in black and pink, because she was completely black with a cute pink tongue. there will be 15 because she had that many years alive.

a friend who does services is going to read some stuff that is actuallly quite nice, then i am going to read "just a dog" (not sure where i found that but it has a message in it i want everyone to hear and when i read it to my friend who can't come, she thought i had written it because it was so fitting for me and bohdi). i hope i will be able to read it and not have to have my friend take over, it feels important i say the words.

i am making some little cards so the people can put their name on and also a little memory they have of bohdi ... i plan to use these in the scrapbook i do for bohdi.

i have a friend who is taking care of cake and coffee for after. we are having it at the far edge of a special picnic area because it was a place bohdi could always spend ages investigating and also because there is a little bridge right by it and my girl loved bridges. whenever we saw one she wanted to go across it, never did figure out why but i think it's kinda cute.

have a friend who will video it. i hope it will be nice and that we have everything covered.




it's 12.55am, i have been awake since 12.30 the night before ... i've upped the dosage on my medications. i need to let myself cry but i'm so scared of the feelings swallowing me whole and then me ending up in lalaland.

[Juturna]

Dear Rainbohdi,

I love how your little Bodhi wanted to cross bridges. I see that as a metaphor of her bright spirit.

The service you have planned sounds so loving and beautiful. The edge of the special picnic area sounds perfect. If you feel you would want to share any pics of the day, I'd want to see them. Your reading will be special, and its Ok to take it slow and easy. Please be gentle with yourself as that is what your Bodhi would want.

With hugs and peace,
Juturna