Feeling A Lot Of Guilt - Help! Options

[chessielover]

So this past Monday I had to have one of my three Chesapeake Bay Retrievers, Sophie, put to sleep. She was just over 5 years old. We had tried for the past three years to cure her of her extreme aggressiveness toward other dogs, but nothing ever seemed to work. She attacked other dogs we owned, friend's dogs, family member's dogs, all with the very real attempt to do serious injury. We tried two different professional trainers in our home, medication, behavioral modification, all to no avail.

Here's the hard part. On her own, she was the sweetest, most loving dog. She had a zest for life that was hard to match. She was a joy to watch run across a field chasing the ball over and over and over. People outside our family (I live with my husband) really didn't have any clue how bad things really were for us. We lived for over a year with gates up all over our house to keep her away from our other two dogs, Grimmy (our male) and Fiona (our female). Then one day a friend came over and made a mistake and let her in with our other dogs. Sophie attacked Fiona, and my husband got bit very badly while separating them. For me, that seemed like the final blow. I had to protect my family. So I made the hard decision.

My husband, over emotional soul that he is, would not even come to the vet with me, but I wanted Sophie to have Mommy with her every last second. I felt I owed her that. I know I did the right thing in my heart of hearts because I really felt that she was not a trustworthy dog, even in an only dog home, but now I lay awake at night and just think about her all the time. And I'm just not getting any support from my friends because they really don't "get" how bad our situation really was. Some of them keep asking why I didn't just take her to a shelter. The thing is that I worked at an animal shelter in college and I used to hate people who brought in aggressive animals and wanted us to adopt them out. They almost always got put to sleep. I would rather have Sophie know that I was there with her at the end than some stranger.

At the same time, their words really hurt because I just want someone to tell me I did the right thing and acknowledge that I have the right to feel the pain that I feel at losing her. Because despite her flaws, she still left huge, romping footprints on my heart.

Thanks for reading this all. Any words of encouragement would mean the world to me. I need to find the strength to get off the couch and move on.

[rainbohdi]

hi

i saw your post here without an answer and i know it can feel hard not to get help quickly when youre really hurting so i wanted to write to you. it was a kind of hard one for me to answer though because my precious little bohdi was attacked and killed in a park on boxing day. the dog had escaped and bohdi was deaf and didnt hear it come. it was just so horrible and not just for bohdi and me, but also for the witnesses and all bohdi's "people". i guess i thought i should tell you that because i think it does prove that you did the right thing. imagine if your sophe did take actually get to the "serious injury" or fatal point, i think that would be very hard to live with and also you would most likely have sophie taken from you then anyway. she was clearly very troubled, so absolutely i think you did the right thing for everybody's safety and because she was so troubled maybe even for her relief.

as for the right to feel the pain of the loss, you most certainly do. you lost your girl and that hurts and is hard. you clearly tried very hard to help her through that, you obviously invested in her on so many levels and its heartbreaking that you tried so hard and still lost her.

also because you intimately connected with a part of her that was sweet and loving that perhaps not many others saw, you've had as big of a loss as anyone who loses a pet. it is heartbreaking and devastating and whoever may say those feelings aren't appropriate for you too doesn't know what they're talking about.

maybe it might help to write about how she was in her best moments. remember the good times and also i think where she is now she would be free to be a happy well adjusted girl.

take care and be gentle with youself