My Precious Baby Girl Options

[rainbohdi]

I am new here and not sure if is ok for me to be posting this so soon, but I guess someone will tell me if it's not.

I also don't know if it's ok to say what happened to her because it was so very awful and people might find it too hard to read, perhaps someone could tell me about that too.

I have supportive friends and they are all devastated that she is gone, even moreso because of how she went.

I couldn't have human babies so she was my one and only baby girl and my most precious love. She was 15 but still so agile and full of life and she neither acted nor looked her age. She loved me, her other people and life so very deeply. She made people smile every day, from her extended family to total strangers out on her walks. Even people who'd say they weren't dog people seemed to make an exception for her.

I know I have to go on, but it has been me and her for so long now that I don't know how to be just me. Every second of each day I have to fight the urge to curl up in a corner and die. I just miss her so badly it feels like every cell in my body is distressed, there is an ache and an emptiness I think will be there forever.

I couldn't save my sweet little girl, she trusted me to keep her safe and cared for and I just couldn't keep her safe this one time she needed it more than ever.

I hope everyone else suffering the pain of the loss of their babies is as ok as anyone can be at a time like this.

rb

[rainbohdi]

hi again

thankyou for your kind words and also sharing. i wish noone else knew this kind of pain, i hate to think of other people hurting this much.

we had to postpone the memorial because we are on a cyclolne alert for tomorrow morning, so it will be the following sunday now.

i seem to have lost all my words, sorry.

take gentle care


ps: i found some words and am writing some responses but my words feel clumsy and not quite right - i sincerely hope i don't write something that makes it worse for someone.

pps: it's sunday here now and sunday's used to be our favourite day of the week, now each one seems like some kind of torture, with the images of that day playing over and over no matter how hard i try to turn them off (happens the other days too, just not as bad). maybe i am going to have to see my doctor again and see if he has any ideas (different medications and/or counselling).