<3 Skylar <3 Options

[dani]

i'm sitting here with my baby, skylar, next to me. we got her for my oldest daughter on her 4th birthday (12 years ago, in a month), but we all know she is my dog. we rescued her from a breeder who said she just wasn't 'up to par' as a schih tzu show dog, when she was a year and a half old. they kept her in a crate probably 23 of the 24 hours a day.

she has been a wonderful family dog .. so great with our oldest, and the following 2 children we had in the years later. she went with us everywhere for quite a few years, then as she got older and we had more children, she favored staying at home for some peace and quite. we now have 3 children, 3 dogs (she is the alpha, even though one of the other dogs is a great dane/boxer mix), and a cat. my husband is in the military and is over in iraq til next october and she is the one that sleeps by me every night.

so, now, she is 13 and a half. two weeks ago, i thought she was pretty smelly and was giving her a bath when i noticed a very large knot on her left cheek. i took her into the vet immediately, where they took blood and a biopsy, and found that she has developed quite a heart murmur in the last 6 months. the vet said that the knot was not filled with liquid (the decaying tissue in there is the cause of the smell) and that we really only had 2 options .. could be an infection or could be cancer, so started antibiotics and pain medicine, just in case.

i got a call the next day and the bloodwork did not point to infection. had to wait for the biopsy though. found that out a week ago. the vet said that she must have had a scratch or something and her body did not regulate the white blood cells properly and they had all gathered there, etc .. a kind way of saying that she has stage 3 cancer in her cheek. he said that they would have to remove part of her jaw if they did surgery and she would have to eat out of a tube for awhile .. and that with her heart murmur and her age, she would most likely not survive the operation. he told me what he thought would be the best option for her and i cried all night.

so, i've been staring at my baby for another week. the knot has gotten larger .. the smell worse .. it's affecting her eye and her nose and she can't close her mouth. the pain medicine and the antibiotics have made her perkier though. she has been walking around with her ears perked up, wagging her tail. i have felt so torn. the last 2 days, she has been at my side and cuddling with me (i feel so guilty that her smell gets to me), and i have been putting it off to go back to the vet. this morning, i noticed that she must have seepage or something, because of the staining on her blanket where she lays and tonight, she must have bitten her cheek while she was eating because she started bleeding. i called the vet.

so .. tomorrow is the day. i feel so awful. i've read that 'you just know' and a couple of years ago, that was true with a golden retriever we had that had cancer and stopped eating or drinking and had problems walking. we did know. this, i don't. she looks at me with her perky little ears and her tail up and i feel so guilty for making the decision. i just don't want her to be in a lot of pain and the vet says that it is coming soon.

just needed to talk about it. thank you.

[moon_beam]

"i have looked back through pictures of all our years together and can see what i didn't when i was looking in her little face those last couple weeks. it really was time." "as the new bit of snow was falling this evening, it covered up the last bit of evidence of skylar outside."


Hi, Dani, I'm so glad you have had a chance to talk / e-mail your husband and that he is doing okay in his current post. I pray that he will be kept safe.

Yes, it can be helpful to look back through pictures "prior to" the physical decline of our beloved companions. This can help to reassure us that the decisions we made for the health and well being of our precious companions were indeed the best we could - - including when they are to send our precious companions home to the angels.

I know what you mean about losing the traces of our beloved companions. The last two months of Oslo's earthly journey with me we had a lot of rain, and his footprints were in the ground after the rain stopped. Over last winter and the spring and summer and the subsequent seasons of this year his footprints are no longer obvious in the ground. This "physical" loss seems like it "erases" our beloved companion's presence with us, but the GOOD NEWS is that we still have these images in our hearts and memories, and so nothing can ever "erase" our beloved companions' presence with us - - for they are forever with us. Hopefully in time as your deep grief eases, Dani, you will still be able to look outside and still see the physical evidence of your precious Skylar in your heart's memory - - as I still see in my heart's memory my Oslo's footprints in the ground.

Dani, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. There are some very good guidelines about how to post pictures here in the L - S Tech Support section. And if you have any difficulty I know the site administrator will be happy to help. We will look forward to sharing your picture(s) of your precious Skylar and your wonderful memories as you are up to it. Dani, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam