Missing My Sweet Boy Options

[Poppy's Mom]

I'm new to this site and I came across it by chance looking for some comfort after losing my ##er Spaniel mix of 15 years. He was so special to me. We had a strong loving bond and we have gone through a lot together.

He battled with Mast Cell tumors and underwent many painful surgeries and chemotherapy. The vet also suspected he had cushings. He also suffered from severe hip dysplasia along with many other problems, but he held on like a little trooper and showed me what courage and perseverance was. Always by my side: in the bathroom when I showered, by my recliner, by my bed, next to me when using my PC. Then last Wednesday, I came home from work and found him having tremendous difficulty lying down. He would inch his way down to the floor and I got very concerned. I thought, maybe it was the rain and the weather that had caused more pain in his hips and arthritis, so I gave him a Tramadol for the pain. He did not eat or drink that night or after that.

The next day, he could barely walk and refused to drink or eat. Worried, I called in to work and stayed home. The next few hours that followed are so painful to remember. He spiraled downward and became worse, unable to stand, panting excessively, showing signs of a lot pain. I gave him water through a dropper because he could barely lift his head and called the vet. Not having any money, I pleaded with them and they would not work with me.

I went to the pawnshop and pawned everything I had of value and rushed him in to the vet at 3:50 p.m. knowing in my heart this would be the day my beloved Poppy would leave me. The money I had was not enough and I only had enough for either a very expensive x-ray and blood work, or x-ray and euthanasia. I chose the latter not being able to watch him suffer anymore. I nearly lost it when I saw him go.

I have lost several pets before and it was painful then, but Poppy was like my child and the grief is tremendous. I have another little one that’s been with me for 3 years (Pekingese mix) and he is grieving and won’t eat. I don’t know what to do and I’m worried I may lose him also. My house has become a house of mourning and although I try not to cry in front of the other one and I do it quietly, he knows. It breaks my heart to see him suffering for his lost friend. Unfortunately, I have to work all day and he has to stay at home alone. If I had the money, I would find a doggie day care for him for a little while. The people around my block all work during the day and I have no one that can come to check in on him or walk him to keep him company, so I leave the radio on or the TV, but I know it’s not the same. The house has lost all peace and joy at our loss.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get my little one to eat or on anything? I don't know what else to do. I've tried giving him even table scraps, which he loved, but refuses them now. I take him for walks and cuddle and hug him, but then he's alone all day till I get home. I'm torn at the loss of my Poppy and the fear of losing this one.

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[Poppy's Mom]

Thank you Juturna for your kind words. I am taking one day at a time. Today I woke up crying again but I thanked God for giving me such a wonderful friend and companion. Poppy gave me 15 years of love and joy, and sometimes of many sleepless nights full of worry, but the joy and love is the one I hold on to. I have learned not to take anything or anyone for granted as life is too fragile and we never know how long our loved ones will be around.

I know in my heart I did all could possibly do for my sweet boy but it was time to let him go, I knew it the moment he looked at me while I fed him water with a dropper. That look of "thank you…I love you but now let me go" was the one that I cry over and cannot get out of my mind. He will be forever in my heart until I join him and see him again, and all my fur babies that have gone before him. What a joyous moment that will be.

I pray that you will also take comfort in knowing that one glorious day you will see your little one again.