My Precious Baby Girl Options

[rainbohdi]

I am new here and not sure if is ok for me to be posting this so soon, but I guess someone will tell me if it's not.

I also don't know if it's ok to say what happened to her because it was so very awful and people might find it too hard to read, perhaps someone could tell me about that too.

I have supportive friends and they are all devastated that she is gone, even moreso because of how she went.

I couldn't have human babies so she was my one and only baby girl and my most precious love. She was 15 but still so agile and full of life and she neither acted nor looked her age. She loved me, her other people and life so very deeply. She made people smile every day, from her extended family to total strangers out on her walks. Even people who'd say they weren't dog people seemed to make an exception for her.

I know I have to go on, but it has been me and her for so long now that I don't know how to be just me. Every second of each day I have to fight the urge to curl up in a corner and die. I just miss her so badly it feels like every cell in my body is distressed, there is an ache and an emptiness I think will be there forever.

I couldn't save my sweet little girl, she trusted me to keep her safe and cared for and I just couldn't keep her safe this one time she needed it more than ever.

I hope everyone else suffering the pain of the loss of their babies is as ok as anyone can be at a time like this.

rb

[rainbohdi]

im so sorry that i dont visit more often and that i havent reached out to hardly any people, i want to but the mix of all the grief here and my own makes me feel even more like im drowning in sorrow. so i come here intending to try and help someone feel heard and cared about in their pain and leave having not done it, except in my own head and heart which is of little use to you if you dont know. again, im so sorry.

i had to come say this somewhere though ... at this time exactly four weeks ago my baby girl was being viciously attacked by a dog that had escaped from the his backyard. it was violent, brutal and fatal. my precious baby girl's life was ended in the most horrific of ways and yet she had always been such a sweet friendly girl in all her 15 and a half years. i wish with all my heart that i hadnt taken her out that morning or that we had taken that bit longer to leave or something that would mean she hadnt died like that.

i know everyone's furbaby is the most precious wonderful clever adorable furbaby that ever was, but there really was something just that bit extra special about bohdi, so many people said it and it was so apparent in the way she lived each day. she had a real zest for life and a massive delightful character inside a pint-sized body.

i try so hard to make myself think about all the amazing stuff about her, but the horror of her last few minutes just takes over like it is seared on to my brain. why, i mean i know she had to die at some time but like she did, why??

inside my head is chaos and i dont know how to fix that. maybe the memorial service next sunday morining might help, we are going to have a few words and then release some black and pink (she was totally black, except for her tongue) balloons with a little note inside and then some cake and coffee and some talk about her life.

i love you my baby girl and im so sorry i couldnt save you.

thankyou for this space, i hope in time i can maybe help someone. i wish each and every one of you a moment's respite from the pain that will be filled with a favourite memory of your furkid and for further on, i wish you many many of those moments.

take care as best you can

[bassetluv]

(((HUGS))) to you, Rainbohdi...I just read this thread and my heart goes out to you. I cannot even begin to imagine what you went through in losing your beloved Bohdi in such an unexpected and shocking way; I do agree that this would surely have triggered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

For anyone who loves a pet and shares that deep soul connection with them, losing them is truly like losing a child of your own. This is something that only one who connects with animals so completely will understand...and with such a loss can follow overwhelming grief, pain, guilt and blame. The hardest part in all of this is acknowledging that the self-blame - no matter the circumstances - serves no purpose other than to keep our hearts shrouded in pain. Of course you will feel it; but being able to release that blame and acknowledge instead that you were the best mom in the world to your wonderful Bohdi is what counts.

Unfortunately, such tragic losses occur often, leaving the animals' owners completely frozen in the moment...replaying (as much as they do not want to) the events over and over and over again. I used to know someone online who - several years ago - lost her beloved cat in a similar way. She and her husband owned a magnificent, long-haired beauty; their cat was 16 years old and completely deaf. She was a house cat; never ventured outdoors, always remained inside and would lavish long hours sleeping in the sun's rays in their living room. One day, however, when the woman and her husband were getting ready for work, their kitty somehow, and for reasons they will never know, managed to slip outside unnoticed when one of them opened the garage door. Because their cat was elderly, as well as deaf, her defenses were poor...and two dogs who lived next door (and were constantly allowed to run loose) spotted her at some point, and attacked her.

My friend tortured herself relentlessly over this, blaming herself over not watching more carefully; not noticing that her cat had left the safety of the house; not reporting the neighbours earlier to authorities when their dogs, shepherds who were known to be unfriendly, were menacing the area. But the truth is, no one can predict the future, and for all that we do to protect our beloved pets, and as much as we pray that we could...we cannot always prevent tragedies from happening.

What I see in your posts is someone whose heart is aching profoundly, and who is torturing herself over not only witnessing such a horrible event, but over blaming yourself for what did take place. What I see beyond this....what I see in you, through your words and your heartbreak, is a beautiful soul whose heart has always brimmed over with love for this gorgeous little girl. One thing I do believe without doubt is that the animals who come into our lives choose US, not the other way around, and Bohdi chose you. She knew that you would love her deeply, completely, and without condition. You gave her everything that she needed in life, you gifted her with pure, absolute love, and I am positive that she would never want you to hold onto any blame or pain in her passing. No matter how they leave us, our gift of love to them - and theirs to us - is what matters. Nothing else. She is forever with you, in your heart, in spirit...and in love.