Tony Linux Options

[whitecats]

4 days ago, we lost our 12 year old baby, Tony Linux. I don't even know what to write here, i have so many thoughts racing though my head.

We had a fenced area for him, and the neighbours Dog (a german shepard) was able to get in, and at that point, the fence became a trap for the poor guy. I've sat out there, and thought about how the whole thing happened, over and over again. The worse part about this is, I didn't know any of it happened... it was raining out, there were obvious large dog prints all over the place (i noticed the next day). Tony was only actually bitten a few time in the hind quarters, and it really hurts me to think he may have laid out there in the freezing cold and rain, not able to move for several hours before maybe freezing to death. I look back and think I may have heard him coughing, but I don't recall hearing any meows.. I woke up in the middle of the night and for some reason I thought, "Where are the cats", only to look and not find Tony. We have a sliding door that connnects to the fenced area for the cat. I had closed that door because it was so cold, not even knowing the cat was out there. I called for him all night when i realised he was missing.... I figured he had gotten out of the fence or ran out the front door, since I didnt' see him anywhere. Well, i found him the next morning when i went looking for him. He was in the fenced part that wrapped around the house...

I'm not going to blather on about all 100s of ways I think i could have done something different; I'm terribly guilt stricken. I've been in a deep depression for years. It may have started when we lost Tony's brother Rittie to heart cancer about 2 years ago. These were our children. My wife and I got them (both pound cats) around the time we got married, and these have been our only "kids".... We couldn't bear the idea of getting another cat after loosing rittie, and while it took over 2 years, about 4 months ago we found a kitten that has the best personality, and have been very happy to have him (Henry)... Tony accepted him better than we thought he would, although he was frequently annoyed by requests for play from his new brother.

My mind keeps running thought "what-ifs"... my neighbour feels bad about the whole thing, and has said he will look into getting rid of the dog ASAP, and keeping it absolutely leased until then. I'm not an eye for an eye person... I just want my Tony back, and this senseless murder to have not occurred....

Here's some pictures:
The brown eyed British short hair is Tony and Rittie is the odd-eye one (we believed him to be at least part Manx).. The cross eye'd kitten at the bottom is the new guy... Henry

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cshym74/sets/72157594181650985/

Finally, thank you for naming your forum "Lightening Strike", the name alone brings some comfort....

[madi]

It is a sad way to lose your Tony, I really feel for you. I lost my adored Ulriich last year, my husband found him dead on the road in the early hours of the morning, same thing, he didn't come in that one night. He was a happy and much loved 3yr old. Please don't feel guilty, you are only human and us humans do the best we can, but some things are just out of our control sometimes. Mind you, it took me a long time to think like this, I went through enormous feelings of guilt that nearly drove me insane before I got to the stage I am now at. I know what it's like to want them back and that craving to just hold them one more time and it takes time to get passed these feelings of great loss. It took me 12 months and it was only really when I got a rescue cat that I really started to be happy again.
Your photos are beautiful, your cats look so happy in them and so well cared for and loved, you gave your best and Tony will love you forever for it. God bless you and you hang in there dear one.xx


madi xx