Tony Linux Options

[whitecats]

4 days ago, we lost our 12 year old baby, Tony Linux. I don't even know what to write here, i have so many thoughts racing though my head.

We had a fenced area for him, and the neighbours Dog (a german shepard) was able to get in, and at that point, the fence became a trap for the poor guy. I've sat out there, and thought about how the whole thing happened, over and over again. The worse part about this is, I didn't know any of it happened... it was raining out, there were obvious large dog prints all over the place (i noticed the next day). Tony was only actually bitten a few time in the hind quarters, and it really hurts me to think he may have laid out there in the freezing cold and rain, not able to move for several hours before maybe freezing to death. I look back and think I may have heard him coughing, but I don't recall hearing any meows.. I woke up in the middle of the night and for some reason I thought, "Where are the cats", only to look and not find Tony. We have a sliding door that connnects to the fenced area for the cat. I had closed that door because it was so cold, not even knowing the cat was out there. I called for him all night when i realised he was missing.... I figured he had gotten out of the fence or ran out the front door, since I didnt' see him anywhere. Well, i found him the next morning when i went looking for him. He was in the fenced part that wrapped around the house...

I'm not going to blather on about all 100s of ways I think i could have done something different; I'm terribly guilt stricken. I've been in a deep depression for years. It may have started when we lost Tony's brother Rittie to heart cancer about 2 years ago. These were our children. My wife and I got them (both pound cats) around the time we got married, and these have been our only "kids".... We couldn't bear the idea of getting another cat after loosing rittie, and while it took over 2 years, about 4 months ago we found a kitten that has the best personality, and have been very happy to have him (Henry)... Tony accepted him better than we thought he would, although he was frequently annoyed by requests for play from his new brother.

My mind keeps running thought "what-ifs"... my neighbour feels bad about the whole thing, and has said he will look into getting rid of the dog ASAP, and keeping it absolutely leased until then. I'm not an eye for an eye person... I just want my Tony back, and this senseless murder to have not occurred....

Here's some pictures:
The brown eyed British short hair is Tony and Rittie is the odd-eye one (we believed him to be at least part Manx).. The cross eye'd kitten at the bottom is the new guy... Henry

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cshym74/sets/72157594181650985/

Finally, thank you for naming your forum "Lightening Strike", the name alone brings some comfort....

[moon_beam]

Hi, Whitecats, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Tony. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

As Jan has so compassionately shared, so I wish to echo her words: What happend with Tony can happen to any of us who have beloved companions, and that some situations are out of our control. In fact, the older I get the more I realize how little control we have over most aspects of what happens and when it happens. Unfortunately, guilt is one of the many emotions that accompanies this grief journey and is one of the hardest to reconcile. But to echo Cheryl's wise words you did the very best you could for your precious Tony at all times and in all circumstances. Tony knows he is loved with all your heart, Whitecats, and he knows beyond all shadow of a doubt that you would have rescued him if you had known he was in trouble. None of us are gifted with the knowledge of foresight, Whitecats - - only the "wisdom" that comes from the hinsight of experience. Still, this is little consolation to a heart that is breaking with deep sorrow and grief.

Whitecats, I wish there were some words that I could write that would take the pain from your heart, but unfortunately there are no adequate words in any language that can do this. The only thing I can offer you is my sincerest empathy and promise to be with you and for you as you travel your grief journey. One thing to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here understand first hand what you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for honoring us with sharing the wonderful pictures of your precious companions. Each of our beloved companions have their own special place in our hearts and lives, and the love bond we share with them is eternal, for love is not confined to the physical laws of time and space. I hope and pray you feel your precious Tony's sweet Living Spirit with you continuing to share your life's earthly journey wherever you go and whatever you do.

Whitecats, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam