Fractured By Dispair, Losing my Squiggy Options

[LostInDespair]

Hello all. I found you over the weekend as I need help from friends in this difficult time. On Friday, my wonderful Peke, Squiggy, was put to sleep. I cannot put my devastation into words. My little guy was only 8. He has a mitral valve leak for 2 years, and other med problems most certainly caused by the mill he came from. Squig was sick from day 1. I am so blessed to have loved and have been loved by him- no one would have loved him as I did. His loss is so profound. No one too kiss me, greet me, or play with me. He was always within arms reach. I look down and he's not there.
I knew it was time, he couldn't breathe or walk. I carried him around the house for 2 days, yet I regret my decision and I miss him; I want him back.
My family doesn't understand; my husband hasn't said a word to me, my kids were not attached. They were told to keep away from him so they have no feeling of loss.
I feel so alone. He loved me like no other. This pain is so unbearable. Thank you in advance for the shoulder to lean on, I can't see how to be without him.

[LostInDespair]

Hi Aaron, I hope today was ok for you. Today was especially bad for me. I looked at Squiggy's Xmas stocking. I just lost it. It will not be full of squeaks this year. He will not be rubbing his butt up against my tree. He will not be sitting next to me as we wrapped presents. His jowls will not be flapping with happiness over his new toys as he aggressively attacked the squeaker. He will not be in his xmas eve Santa outfit, or his xmas day antlers. I miss hearing him tap dance on my hardwood. I miss his crazy Peke smile and his crooked teeth. I miss his floppy ears-- he was a bit Farengi in his love of ear rubs. (sorry, inner dork emerging)
God I loved him. I love him still.
His favorite hedgehog sits on my night stand. It's a well loved, icky sad looking hedgehog. It was his favorite. I can't part with it.
Today sucked.
Sleep well, my friends.
-Di

[Cheryl83]

Hi Aaron, I hope today was ok for you. Today was especially bad for me. I looked at Squiggy's Xmas stocking. I just lost it. It will not be full of squeaks this year. He will not be rubbing his butt up against my tree. He will not be sitting next to me as we wrapped presents. His jowls will not be flapping with happiness over his new toys as he aggressively attacked the squeaker. He will not be in his xmas eve Santa outfit, or his xmas day antlers. I miss hearing him tap dance on my hardwood. I miss his crazy Peke smile and his crooked teeth. I miss his floppy ears-- he was a bit Farengi in his love of ear rubs. (sorry, inner dork emerging)
God I loved him. I love him still.
His favorite hedgehog sits on my night stand. It's a well loved, icky sad looking hedgehog. It was his favorite. I can't part with it.
Today sucked.
Sleep well, my friends.
-Di

I can completely relate to this. I had to run out of a store the other week when I saw the little bunny stocking that I got my Daisy every year. We used to hang it above her bed, along with some little decorations, and other gifts that we'd gotten her. Part of the joy of Christmas for me was watching Daisy 'unwrap' her presents, and usually ending up taking more interest in trying to eat the paper!! Christmas is going to be so difficult for us all on here. At least we have this site to help each other through.

Hang in there and take care,
Cheryl xx