Fractured By Dispair, Losing my Squiggy Options

[LostInDespair]

Hello all. I found you over the weekend as I need help from friends in this difficult time. On Friday, my wonderful Peke, Squiggy, was put to sleep. I cannot put my devastation into words. My little guy was only 8. He has a mitral valve leak for 2 years, and other med problems most certainly caused by the mill he came from. Squig was sick from day 1. I am so blessed to have loved and have been loved by him- no one would have loved him as I did. His loss is so profound. No one too kiss me, greet me, or play with me. He was always within arms reach. I look down and he's not there.
I knew it was time, he couldn't breathe or walk. I carried him around the house for 2 days, yet I regret my decision and I miss him; I want him back.
My family doesn't understand; my husband hasn't said a word to me, my kids were not attached. They were told to keep away from him so they have no feeling of loss.
I feel so alone. He loved me like no other. This pain is so unbearable. Thank you in advance for the shoulder to lean on, I can't see how to be without him.

[greenbeagle]

Lost,

I am so sorry to hear that you lost Squigs. And the picture of him was adorable. What a precious little pup he is.

I, too, still miss my kitty, Little Bit, and the outside of my house is still like a black hole. I lost him on 9/2/2010 (Thursday a little past 7:00p). He thought he was a dog and would always run to me when I called his name. This time for some unknown reason a car was flying up my otherwise calm residential street. I can still see and hear his little body getting fractured by that car.

And even though I live alone (human wise anyway), I was fortunate to at least have people that would listen to me, plus I had this site. And even though it is a lonely trek, I am sorry to hear you do not have support in your house. It is a truly rough road to walk, and it feels horrible inside, there is no getting over that.

And even though I still cry, I am not crying uncontrollably anymore; however, I still have a HUGE hole inside my belly and chest, I still go over that fateful day with the "what if's", and there is not a day or night that I don't talk to him (out loud) and tell him how much I miss him, love him, and how sorry I am that I called him to me. I don't go through a day without missing him something terrible, wishing life had a Rewind button.

People here tell me it will "get better", and I guess the pain has subsided a teeny bit, but man oh man, it still makes me cry and I still ache for that little goober so much.

I say all that to say, "I understand...," I can't "feel your pain" because it is yours, but I have felt mine and so understand what you are progressing through. There is not a Milli-second that goes by that we don't miss them. I always hated to wake up and for those few seconds between sleep and awake, Little Bit was still alive, just waiting for me to go out and call him..., then I woke up and my stomach fell and my chest hurt because I realized he was no longer here. I believe I will see him again - all my animals for that matter - but I want to have him NOW.

Again, I am so sorry... Keep coming here and posting, no matter how many times, or if it is the same thing you posted an hour ago. There are a lot wiser people here than me and they can certainly help you through this horrible, horrible loss.