Fractured By Dispair, Losing my Squiggy Options

[LostInDespair]

Hello all. I found you over the weekend as I need help from friends in this difficult time. On Friday, my wonderful Peke, Squiggy, was put to sleep. I cannot put my devastation into words. My little guy was only 8. He has a mitral valve leak for 2 years, and other med problems most certainly caused by the mill he came from. Squig was sick from day 1. I am so blessed to have loved and have been loved by him- no one would have loved him as I did. His loss is so profound. No one too kiss me, greet me, or play with me. He was always within arms reach. I look down and he's not there.
I knew it was time, he couldn't breathe or walk. I carried him around the house for 2 days, yet I regret my decision and I miss him; I want him back.
My family doesn't understand; my husband hasn't said a word to me, my kids were not attached. They were told to keep away from him so they have no feeling of loss.
I feel so alone. He loved me like no other. This pain is so unbearable. Thank you in advance for the shoulder to lean on, I can't see how to be without him.

[LostInDespair]

^^ thank you. I'm still so numb. I miss his little face.
Another night through. Good nite.