I Will Cry, My Miss Daisy Options

[AlexisMarie]

Friday, August 6th..a day I will never forget..the day I said goodbye to my sweet Daisy. I was so alone, so scared. A couple days ago I read the posts for that day...I'm so touched that some of your thoughts and prayers were with me that day...Thank you so much. The last week with her was so hard. The clock became my worst enemy..days turned into hours that turned into minutes that turned into seconds. The last 24 hours became the last for everything. The last time we ate dinner together...our last sunset...the last time I watched you hunt for frogs in the evening...the last kiss you gave me before bedtime. I layed awake in the darkness and listened to her sleep through the night. And like clockwork she was up at 5:30 a.m. She stretched and came over to me to kiss me good morning..for the last time. I didnt want to start the day..our last day. We ate breakfast and went outside to watch our last sunrise. after a couple of hours I gave her a treat..her last one. After that she layed down for a nap. The house was so quiet, I just watched her nap. The clock seemed to be ticking so loud, I thought at 9:35 I will put my shoes on and take her for a ride...for the last time. Walking up to the vet's office was the longest walk. I stopped at the door picked her up and just stood there for a moment, knowing once I opened that door the world was going to come crashing down on me. I stood inside behind a wall infront of a small window. I held on to her to tight as I rocked her back and forth whispering in her ear that I loved her. They called her name...for the last time. I signed papers and took off her collar for the last time. I started crying, I kissed her...for the last time. I sat in my truck sobbing clutching her collar to my heart..when I was able, I drove home, layed on the floor where she was napping just minutes ago...and cried. It scared me at times...hearing myself cry out loud..I could hear the pain and heartache behind it. I cant believe she's gone. She's all around this house, her bowls, her bed, her toys, all the pictures.

One day I will be able to look at those pictures and smile and remember I what a wonderful and happy dog you were, and all the good times we shared. But until then. . . I will cry.

One day I will be able to go outside and remember all the things you liked to do, digging in the garden with me, looking up at me with dirt all over your face, so proud that you were helping mommy, all our sunrises and sunsets, watching you lay in the sun, playing with with the frogs at night. But for now I will stay inside. . . and I will cry.

One day I will go walking on the ditch. The same walk we used to take for years. I will . . . because that was your most favorite thing to do. It wont be for awhile because I've never been out there without you, and they will ask "where's Daisy?" Right now I dont have the heart to tell them you are not with me anymore. So for now I will stay home . . . and I will cry.

One day grandma and I will talk about you and laugh at all the silly things you used to do. You loved grandma. She will miss you on her laps. But until then . . . we will cry.

One day I will go camping again. It wont be the same without you. You loved to go fishing. Grandpa will miss his fish inspector. But for now the fish can wait. Maybe next year . . . and I will cry.

One day I will get used to coming in the front door and not be greeted by you and your wagging tail. Instead I will have to deal with the deafening sounds of silence, this will have to be the new norm for me. But for now . . .I will cry.

One day I will get used to waking up in the morning without your Daisy Kisses. I loved those, I will miss those the most. But until then . . . I will cry.

One day I will wake up in the morning and realize that I didnt cry myself to sleep. It is then, that I will know that the healing process has begun. God will heal the broken hearted. But until then . . . I will cry.

For the past 24 years I have been on Mommy Duty with you and KittyKat. You both had me on a schedule. Now I'm not quite sure what to do. I feel lost, lonely and confused. I will struggle for awhile until I find my own schedule. I believe that I was blessed with the one perfect cat and the one perfect dog. There could be no other, I will not be hearing the sounds of pitter patter paws in my house anymore. I couldn't possibly go through this pain again.

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that you are in your new body, no more aches and pains. So you run along and go find KittyKat. She will be so happy to see you again. And when I come to the end of my journey here . . . I will cry . . . for the last time. Only these will be tears of joy because I get to see my two girls again.

I love you Daisy
My little bug-a-loo
I will never forget you

[moon_beam]

Hi, Annette, putting on the "public face" is hard when your heart if filled with deep sorrow. I remember so well the drives into work and home - - gut-wrenching sobbing. I was ever so thankful for the privacy of the restroom where I could run into when I couldn't hold back the tears - - just long enough to collect my composure and then go back to my desk.

Finding those precious "treasures" -- Daisy's collar, her tags, etc., - - something EVERYWHERE - - is wonderful!! I have experienced that, too, and do the same as you - - carry them with me wherever I go.

Annette, I hope someday you will come to understand that you will NEVER leave your precious Alexis and Daisy
"behind" as you move forward one step at a time. You won't have to look "back" for them for they are right beside you now and will always be just as they always have been. I hope that when you get to that place in your grief journey that you will feel a peace in your heart - - filled with the presence of your precious Alexis and Daisy.

Thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, Annette, for sharing your heart with us. During our journey with our beloved companions, we are whole picture - - a completed puzzle, if you will. When we lose their precious physical presence with us, a HUGE part of that picture, or puzzle, is ripped apart - - our lives are forever transformed to re-inventing that picture - - to once again completing that puzzle. So, don't worry about coming here to "go on and on" - - or as some folks put it "rambling." It is a part of the journey that will help us to make our picture, or puzzle, whole again - - INCLUDING our beloved companions who are with the angels.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Annette, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam