Lost My Baby Options

[galandria]

Hello. I am new here. I just lost my 4 year old Bulldog, Missy, to heat stroke. I am heartbroken and grief stricken. I am feeling guilt, sick to my stomach, angry, depressed. I didnt get out of bed for 3 days and I had to take her pictures down because I cant bear to look at them. My house is so empty. My cats are a big comfort but I miss my Doodlebug so much. She was my beautiful baby.

My husband and I talked and we decided to get another dog. I wasnt sure where my grief would take me but it has taken me in the direction of wanting to fill my house with love. This tragedy has taught me that life is too short and I dont want to spend it denying myself any happiness. My family is not being supportive about a new dog. They say I am too fragile because of how I am grieving for Missy and that if anything happens to the new dog that I will go to pieces.

I feel extreme guilt as well. Am I acting too fast? Am I disrespecting her memory? If a child dies do parents "replace" them? But the emptiness is crushing me. I feel like I am not going to make it through this. Does anyone have any advice to offer?

[galandria]

Thanks everyone for your words of support. It does help alot. The one problem I will not have is bonding with a new pet. That is actually my biggest fault. I am an animal lover 100% and sometimes to the detriment of the people in my life. My problem is the guilt I feel. I am so grief stricken and sick over the way she died that I dont think I will ever get over that. I cant see past her pain or what she must have been feeling. That morning I ran out of the house with a quick, Mommy loves you, bye. Not even a glance back. The next time I saw her she was dying! I had a responsibility to her! All I feel is pain at that loss. The one thing about me is that I can compartmentalize things. I can put my grief and longing for my baby into one part of my brain and give love to another baby with the other. BUT.... do I deserve a second chance??? Do I deserve the beautiful gift of having another dog to love after what I let happen? Shouldn't I have to suffer for what happened???? I am always the one yelling about how people should take care of their pets. So self righteous I was.

Missy was my bad girl. My scamp. Always tugging on my shoe while I was walking. I couldnt use the bathroom without an audience. Waited for me by the shower until I was done. Sat on my lap even though she was a BIG girl. She would stare at me while I watched TV if I wasnt giving her enough attention. She would stare at me and make noises like Chewbacca from Star Wars. OH, Doodlebug I miss you so much. Mommy is so sorry.

[wchamilton]

Thanks everyone for your words of support. It does help alot. The one problem I will not have is bonding with a new pet. That is actually my biggest fault. I am an animal lover 100% and sometimes to the detriment of the people in my life. My problem is the guilt I feel. I am so grief stricken and sick over the way she died that I dont think I will ever get over that. I cant see past her pain or what she must have been feeling. That morning I ran out of the house with a quick, Mommy loves you, bye. Not even a glance back. The next time I saw her she was dying! I had a responsibility to her! All I feel is pain at that loss. The one thing about me is that I can compartmentalize things. I can put my grief and longing for my baby into one part of my brain and give love to another baby with the other. BUT.... do I deserve a second chance??? Do I deserve the beautiful gift of having another dog to love after what I let happen? Shouldn't I have to suffer for what happened???? I am always the one yelling about how people should take care of their pets. So self righteous I was.

Missy was my bad girl. My scamp. Always tugging on my shoe while I was walking. I couldnt use the bathroom without an audience. Waited for me by the shower until I was done. Sat on my lap even though she was a BIG girl. She would stare at me while I watched TV if I wasnt giving her enough attention. She would stare at me and make noises like Chewbacca from Star Wars. OH, Doodlebug I miss you so much. Mommy is so sorry.

When our dog Winston died it was a tragic accident... we had put one of our dogs outside on a dog run to go to the bathroom and when she wanted to come in she batted at the front door, which wasn't shut all the way. Winston nosed it open and took off like a shot. My son and I heard the door hit the wall, saw he was gone, put on our shoes and went to get him, but in that time (45-60 seconds) he had been hit by a car and died about 15 minutes later.

I dealt with the same guilt you're feeling when Winston died, and I think when you lose a pet due to an accident it's normal. Eventually you will come to terms with it and realize that what happened to Missy was an accident, and an accident, by definition, isn't anyone's fault. I know this doesn't help now, but you will eventually come to terms with what happened.

And as for giving yourself "another chance", as we've said, that's a very personal decision... for my family that decision was to not actively look but adopt another dog when we found one who needed us, and for us that was about two weeks after losing Winston. But that's just me and my family. If you wanted my opinion, I would suggest you give yourself some time to grieve Missy... the pain of her loss is very fresh for you and you need to give yourself time to feel and process that. Let yourself grieve for your Missy and when the time is right another companion will come into your life.

Please let us know how you're doing... we're all here for you.