My Wonderful Jesse Options

[MissMyJesse]

Hi everyone,

Today has been 3 months since I lost my beautiful cat Jesse. I have been coming to this forum since then and even though I have never posted I have found your kind words to others in my heart. I have tried to post several times and would cry so hard that I couldn't finish. I loved my cat so much. I had him for 9 1/2 years, and he was so wonderful. The day I lost him you see was my fault and oh the pain and guilt I felt. It was Labor day, and the breeze was blowing and it was warm outside. The perfect kind of day that I could see My Jesse on our front porch just lounging (which he was good at, ha). I was leaving for work and since Jesse had been out that night, my first thought was to call him so he could come inside. When all of a sudden I felt a warm breeze and said, oh I'm not going to call him, I know he is out enjoying this weather (saying that with a smile on my face, thinking about him). Well, I go to start my car, and to this day I will never understand what he was doing laying inside the motor area in the summer (b/c I always tapped the brakes in the winter, knowing they get there to get out of the cold). But anyway, I'm sure you can figure out the rest of the story w/o me going over the details.

There is not a day that doesn't go by that I don't think of My sweet Jesse and miss him. He was so beautiful, and a faithful companion. Only a week ago I could start eating cereal without crying. I always shared my cereal and milk with him. He would sit at my feet waiting, and if I would take too long to finish my part he would start taking his big paws and try to reach the bowl. Then the other day, I was decorating for Christmas when I opened up a box and on the top was Jesse's stocking. It just didn't feel right not hanging it, but I know that he will have a wonderful Christmas in Heaven.

Sorry this is so long. The guilt is still there and everyday I tell my baby how sorry I am and that mama would have never meant to hurt him. I'm sorry Jesse......
Mama loves you!

Sandy

PS...Thank you Denise! This is a GREAT forum. The support I have received here (not knowing to anyone b/c I never posted) is unmeasurable. Thanks again.

[kips]

Dear Sandy

What a beautiful cat Jesse is. He is gorgeous. And he was so lucky to have you as his owner for 9 or so years. I smiled as I read about you thinking that he should stay out and enjoy the lovely weather. You obviously were always thinking about him and how to make him happy. He was a very lucky cat. And while you feel guilty about how he died just remember you did not do it intentionally - it was just a terrible accident and unfortunatly accidents happen every day no matter how much we try to avoid them. As you read the posts you can see we all feel guilty about how our pets die - there is no perfect way. It hurts no matter what. And we all feel guilty about what we did or didn't do during their lives. I still cry about our family dog that died 14 years ago because I feel we neglected her towards the end of her life but then I focus on some of the good stuff we did and that helps. These are lucky pets - we loved them deeply and always will. I look forward to reading some more about Jesse.

Anthea