A Support System, Or Lack Thereof..., Some friends I have... Options

[jrichard88]

I don't really know much of what to say, aside from it being only 8 days since, at a moment's notice, I lost my best friend in the world. If you have not already read my tribute post, you may do so by going here:

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5953

I still get the shakes and I barely sleep. Yet already my so-called "friends" are not only telling me to get over it, but they are treating it as no big deal (as one put it, "other people in the world are suffering worse than you are"). I'm so fragile and sensitive right now and it just feels like none of them can respect that. Heck, a couple of them somehow found themselves offended when I told them otherwise (and another just completely forgot the ordeal altogether and asked me if my sleep deprivation and mood swings had anything to do with my diet - HUH?). It just feels like no one really understands what I've lost here, and I find myself even more hurt knowing that people I should be able to rely on aren't being in any way supportive. I absolutely LOATHE this whole mentality people get where they say "it's just an animal, what's your problem?" I've found inner peace through Nuisance's presence with me, yes, and that's a very good thing because I can't even imagine the shape I'd be in if I hadn't felt it. But that doesn't mean I don't hurt. It still hurts more than anything I've felt in my life so far. And the fact that my so-called friends aren't even being remotely respectful just amplifies those feelings even more. It's times like these where I wonder if Nuisance really was the only real friend I had.

[ladywolf]

I agree with what everyone has said so far, so eloquently. The whole culture, unfortunately, does not support grieving as an important part of our life process. Think of the people who have been given a few days off from work when their children died, and then been expected to report back and perform at 100%. This culture is insane, and that insanity extends to perceptions of our relationships with our fur-kids.

Only people who have felt the deep kind of love that we have can understand what you are going through. It is most unfortunate that your friends do not fall into that category. Mine, by contrast, do, and are very supportive when my grief comes up over Ladywolf, my most recent loss. I have found it best to keep my grief somewhat private from people I suspect are not true animal people, and only to share it with those I know I can trust.

As Moon Beam said, this is one of the reasons that this Forum was started--so that people like us, who love our animals more than we love people in some cases, have a place to come and let it all hang out without fear of judgement. Everyone here understands, as everyone, sadly, has suffered one or multiple losses of our pets. I myself have lost 11 dogs in my long lifetime by now. We wouldn't bother to be here if we didn't understand the depth of the grief that we all have to deal with. You are among true friends here, JRichard, so please keep coming back to check in with us.

We are the lucky ones!!

Big Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Sir Leopold