I Miss My Little Boy Options

[My heart Cooper]

This past week has been so awful. I sit and cry every night. I cry on the way home from work, while I'm here at home, and then at night before bed. I thought I was doing better but I just feel so awful. I miss my baby so much. I've gotten used to him not being here. I don't expect to see him anymore. But I still miss everything about him. I can't stand to look at pictures. I feel like I've taken a huge step backwards. I'm back to not being able to concentrate at work and just feeling sad all the time. I still just can't believe this has happened. And I feel like I can't let people know I still feel this bad because they expect me to have moved on by now. I don't even tell my husband how sad I am anymore. There's so much going on in my life right now and most of it is not so good. Normally, Cooper would be my rock. He brought my a sense of peace no matter what and now that is gone. I don't know how to work through these things without him.

Coopie - Mommy loves you so much. More than anything. I miss you every second of every day. You are my heart and I will never be whole without you. I pray that you are ok, wherever you are and you are not sad or lonely or afraid. I did my best to make sure you never had to feel those feelings. I pray that you don't now. I am so sorry you were alone when you passed. I would've never left you if I thought that would happen. I hope you were not afraid. Please be ok. I love you.

[My heart Cooper]

Thanks everyone. I did see a counselor for the first month after we lost Cooper. It really did help but it got to the point where I was just going and saying every week "I'm sad". I really was feeling better. I think I am just having a setback. My doctor has me on a certain medication not related to depression that messes with my hormones and I think it is amplifying all of my feelings, making this grief process all the more difficult. I have thought about asking my doctor about depression meds but I hate to get started on them. My husband has taken them and the side effects were pretty crappy. And it seems like once you start, they're hard to get off of. I just keep hoping I can make it through without them. But maybe in a few more weeks, if I'm not feeling better, I'll talk to my doctor about it. I can't stay this way forever.