Feeling Ok Today Options

[My heart Cooper]

It's been 40 days today since I've seen my little man. It's hard to believe I haven't kissed him or held him or told him I love him in 40 days. I feel ok this morning though. I have these moments of semi-acceptance every once in a while. I guess eventually, they will come more often. I just keep thinking that he has to be disappointed in me. He could've never imagined, when I dropped him off that morning, he'd never come home. I hope he doesn't blame me. I guess I am giving human emotions and thoughts to a dog, which I'm sure he wasn't capable of. But it's hard not to.

[My heart Cooper]

It's strange because it truly was our vet's fault that Cooper died. They made a mistake and messed up. But for some reason, I place more blame on me than the vet. We've filed the appropriate complaints but I've yet to get angry. I kind of hope I never do. In Coop's five and a half years, anger was never an emotion I associated with him in any way. And I don't want to do that now. I want his memory to be all joy and love. I've tried to convince myself that maybe we are all given a set amount of time at the beginning. Maybe this was all he was supposed to have. And if this wouldn't have happened, something else would've. So I should be grateful it was peaceful and painless for him. I am struggling a lot with the religious/spiritual aspect though. I've always believed in spirits but not in heaven, even though it didn't make sense to me that I could believe one and not the other. But now I want nothing more than to believe.