It Seems To Me That I Want, My HEALTHY wolf back! Options

[ladywolf]

I'm just sitting here pondering the nature of the grieving process, and it has occurred to me that it seems to be true for a lot of us that what we are missing so much and longing for are our young, healthy, energetic, joyful pets--not our old, ailing, pain-ridden, somewhat miserable pets. Not that we don't love them right up until the last minute, and then beyond--but I know that I wouldn't particularly have wanted poor old Ladywolf, with her heavy tumors and diabetes, to have lived a whole lot longer. She couldn't walk very well, she was uncomfortable, she knew that she was compromised and couldn't do what she used to--she was happy to be in my presence, and I her's, but her quality of life had definitely deteriorated, and she was ready to go when she did.

So I, and perhaps a lot of us, are really longing for the "old" fur-kid--the one who didn't have pain and limitations. That's why it's SO painful when a life gets cut short suddenly--it's a major trauma that can cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Happy, bouncing, joyful animal here one minute and gone the next...

When I want Lady back, I want the Ladywolf who was somewhere between three (when I met her) and thirteen--the companion who could do anything that we wanted to do, and with enthusiasm and great energy. So I'm yearning for the impossible! THAT Lady left me about two years ago...

Just a observation--not all of you may agree, but it's something to think about...

Big Hugs to everyone--

Margi and Spiritwolf

[ladywolf]

Thank you all for your comments, they mean a lot to me. I find that this grief journey is a sad, but necessary part of the total journey when choosing to take an animal partner into one's life. We hate this part, but we don't get the other part without this part. For me, it is a bittersweet experience--a mix of sadness over my loss, and joy that I was lucky enough to have had such magical beings in my life for so long.

That's why I'm not incapacitated by grief right now. I knew at the beginning what the outcome would likely be, and it was part of a contract that I signed with Poppers and Ladywolf, and all my other critters from the past. That I would not abandon them in their times of need, or after they had passed on. That I would be true to their memories, and carry on with my life in the ways that they would have wanted me to. Spiritwolf just loves to see me laugh, and so I do. It's a tribute to HER for me to feel good when I can these days. It's impossible to laugh and suffer at the exact same moment...

Just some more thoughts on the matter. I have a poem on my wall, with a picture of my old VW van, that seems to relate to all this:

How long the road is.
But for all the time the journey has already taken,
How you have needed every second of it,
In order to learn what the road passes by.

Big hugs to everyone--

Margi and Spiritwolf

[tahoeden]

Good poem. You must have a lot of memories with your old VW van. After reading your poem, a line from a book, The Little Prince (or as it is in French, Le Petit Prince), came to me: "It is only with the heart that one can see clearly...what is essential is invisible to the eye." It's good you are finding some joy in your memories already. You said that you knew at the beginning what the outcome would likely be. For me, it was the opposite. From the day I got Kota, I never once thought about her getting old and dying...at least not until she got really old. I guess that was a good thing cuz it kept me in the present with her, just thinking that there was always tomorrow to take another walk together. But now I feel sad that if someday I am able to open up to another pet, I will have it in the back of the mind that they will leave me all too soon. And that scares me. I guess at least you are a realist. Me, I've just never been too good at accepting reality, especially when it comes in the form of the passing of our loved ones. Robert Frost said, "Everything I've ever learned in life can be summed up in three words...It Goes On..." G'nite

Dennis