I Miss Him So Much!, Why him? Options

[missy]

Hello, this is my first post. I am so upset about the death of my sweet Opie.
Opie was a sweet flame point siamese cat. I got him 3 years ago as a kitten.
I had seen an ad on the internet to purchase this adorable little flame point kitten. I already had a one year old seal point and I thought the kitten would make for a good companion for her. The breeder was from out of town and she agreed to drop him off. When she arrived she quickly put the kitten in my cage out front of my building. I didn't get to see him until I got inside. When I opened the cage I was horrified to see a little kitten near death! He was skin and bones and couldn't breath! We rushed him to the vet and he spent 3 days in Intensive Care. Then we brought him home and syringe fed him every hour. He recovered! It was a miracle! Everyone at the vet office couldn't believe it, they really didn't think he would make it. He then grew strong and became the strongest cat I ever saw. Solid muscle. And the SMARTEST and MOST LOVING cat I ever met. He wanted to be held all the time. He was ALWAYS purring. He would lick your face like a dog. He was really like a dog in many ways. He waited by the door when I went out. He was still there waiting when I got home. He slept in my arms every night. IN MY ARMS. With our chests touching and his arms around my neck. I would wake up to him still there every morning. He knew a bunch of words. So very smart. He loved to play games. But most of all he loved me so much. I bought him to keep my other cat company, but he quickly out shined her and became the main focus of attention.
I did everything in my power to make sure he didn't get sick. I had already dealt with a cat who had diabetes. I had to give her insulin every 12 hours and then after 3 years of diabetes she passed away at age 10. I didn't want the same for Opie. I waited on him hand and foot. He would get me up at 6 for breakfast. I made sure nothing bad would ever happen to him. My boyfriend loved him so much too. He worried about Opie dying. I would reassure him that he would live to be 18 or so. Opie was so strong and healthy.
Then, out of nowhere this last December Opie started acting strangely. He would have these 'episodes" where he would hallucinate and become aggressive. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. I took him to the vet and he thought it was a behavior problem. I knew that wasn't it. He was having the episodes more and more frequently. I did some research on the net and thought they sounded like some sort of partial seizure. I looked up treatment and found that the medicine was very damaging for the liver. I decided that I would just live with him having these episodes every week. They got worse and I noticed his third eyelid was showing during and after them. I noticed he felt hot. Then a week and a half ago, I was woken up at 4 am to Opie having a grand mal seizure next to my bed!
It was surreal! I couldn't believe this was happening! It was my biggest fear. I worried that these episodes would turn into this, and they did! He carried on for the next four hours running around in circles and acting like something was hurting his head by flattening his ears and squinting his eyes and backing up. It was horrifying to see! I couldn't bare it. It was like he was going mad. He was also acting like he was in pain. I wanted to help him, but there was nothing I could do.
We rushed him to the vet right away in the morning. The vet said all they could do was try him on the meds, but it would be every 12 hours and that the meds would damage his liver. He also said that Opie would probably continue to have seizures since they were very aggressive happening every week. It would be a life long condition. Also, the meds would change his personality and make him sluggish and over weight. Liver problems were guarranteed
The thought of him going through all this, with the meds and still having seizures was too much. I read that they can die during a grand mal seizure because of many things like suffocating, heart attack, core body tempurature going up too high. I couldn't bare it, so we chose to have him put to sleep. I was in shock. Seriously in shock.
I had just seen this grand mal seizure and now he is being put to sleep.
I have been beside myself with grief ever since. I felt at the time it was the right decision because I didn't want him to suffer anymore...but of course you second guess yourself. I miss him so much I can't stand it.
Now the first cat is confused as to where he is. She keeps looking for him and this upsets me more.
I don't think I will ever be the same. I am so upset that a healthy beautiful special cat could be taken away from me at only 3 years old.

[JohnG]

Missy,

I'm sorry you're having to go through this grief period. It seems as though it will never end. Your story of the squirrel broke my heart. I've been feeding squirrels in the park lately and it's one of the few things that distracts me from my own grieving.

I once tried to rescue a tiny mouse where I worked. They had put out glue traps, which I think is absolutely horrible. I found the tiny little mouse trapped but still alive. I rode the bus to and from work at the time and had the mouse (still stuck to the trap) in a small box on my lap. When I got home I proceeded to cut the fur away and get him free. It took a couple hours altogether. I have no idea how long he had been stuck but I'm certain that the glue was toxic and even though I couldn't ultimately save him I at least made his last few hours more comfortable. I was heavy into journaling at the time and wrote a long entry that ultimately became stained with tears. I buried him in the garden of my apartment building.

I think the death of any creature is terrible. When we form an emotional connection it becomes especially hard to cope with. Our little bundles of furry love have forever changed us for the better. And their loss changes us yet again. I only hope that you continue to push through this terrible grief and that each day gets a little easier.

Today is one week since my little Gabby passed. It's so difficult. Almost unbearable. I keep wishing her back. Wishing this was all some awful nightmare. Almost too hard to go on. But we must endure.

Please be well and find happiness when you can.

John