Is This Acceptance?, Yet even more confusion. Options

[MissingHolly]

Sunday, two days after I had Holly-kins sent to Rainbow Bridge, I was at work, seriously missing her and doubting I could make it through the day without crying my eyes out in front of my many coworkers and customers. Before having a break-down in the middle of the store, I decided to go to the bathroom to take a few minutes to myself. On my way there was a small white dog sitting in a cart while his owner shopped through the electrical wire. When he saw me he jumped up and put his front paws on the top of the cart, trying to jump out to get to me. I pet him for a while and let him kiss at my hands and I felt better. On my way back from the bathroom I saw the same dog, his owner still shopping, and once again he got excited and I pet him some more before heading back to work. I don't know what exactly it was, but after I pet that little dog I felt tons better ... like everything was right with the world and, while I would miss her dearly, it was okay. Is this normal? Should someone else's dog have made me feel like that? I'm not sure I understand why it wasn't Holly's little sister who made me feel better instead of a complete stranger's dog that I'd never seen before. Am I accepting Holly's death so quickly or is this something else?

[MissingHolly]

I want to thank you all again for you help and support. Especially tahoeden who has been helping me through this most difficult time with his kind words since the beginning. I truly appreciate everything you've all done thus far and will use this advice to the best of my ability in hopes that one day I will be able to help someone through their loss.

I wanted you all to know that I received Holly's ashes today and, while they made me cry, I know she's happy. The vet did the cremation personally Saturday and her remains are in a velvet bag with the words "Until we meet again at the Rainbow Bridge" stitched on it. This alone is comforting to me because I know that he will be the vet I choose when I decide to get another dog. I'm still thinking about the pendant to put some of her ashes in, and while I like the idea part of me doesn't want to separate her ashes at all. I'm not sure what I'll do from here on out, but I suppose that now I have enough time to decide.

My parents are supportive in their own ways, but I don't think they fully understand how much I loved her. My mother can't seem to figure out why it hurt me so bad when Holly passed, but I guess she didn't have as deep of a bond with her as I did so she's not as upset by it. Thankfully, instead of referring to Holly's remains as 'it' (which is what my sister is doing) she refers to her as what she still is: my dog Holly. (My sister isn't cruel or anything, and while she isn't as supportive as she could be it's most likely because, as a nurse, she deals with the dead and dying a lot. She works in a nursing home with the terminally ill so she has her own ways of dealing with death.) My dad is upset about the loss, but he doesn't like to let anyone know when he's sad, so he waits until he's alone before he shows any emotions.

Thank you all again for your support. I can assure you that while I'm grieving and upset I'm not quite ready to leave this world, yet. I have a lot of things to do for Holly (I promised her I'd get married and have children and grandchildren at least before I go, so I have to do that much for her.) I will keep posting every now and again (I don't want to spam or anything) and eventually I may feel I'm ready to begin helping others. I have friends who can use this site, one of which is my best friend whose dog is starting to get up in years. She's a strong little thing and I'm sure she has plenty of years left to go, though. I know you will all help her and support her if she needs it as well.