Losing My Beloved Misha Options

[MishasMom]

I'm so glad I found this forum. On Saturday I had to put my beloved Ragdoll Misha to sleep. It was the hardest decision to make. She was 15 years old. Last year she had been diagnosed with beggining stages of kidney failure. Last week she just started acting like she wasn't happy anymore. She was still eating but sleeping a lot. She also would be sitting there having trouble breathing. On Friday night she didn't want to be bothered at all. Didn't want me touching her, or cuddling, or any kind of interaction with me. During last week she bit me once or twice for no real reason. She had never done that before. I had this feeling she was telling me that she was done. She didn't enjoy life.

I took her into the vet Saturday morning. After talking to the vet he thought that she could of possibly had a stroke or seizures. There was also a chance that she could have a brain tumor. I asked if she was in any physical pain and he said no. I'm not sure if I believed that she had lost most of her muscle mass and I'm sure her little hips were rubbing up against bone. I just kept thinking we will be back in this same spot either ten days or a few months. What kind of quality of life would she have in that time. I feel that we don't just have an obligation to their physical pain but also their mental pain. So I made the decision I thought was best for her. She went quickly thank God. I did second guess myself the next day. I think that is normal. I do have a peace about it now. I believe we will see them again one day in heaven with our heavenly Father.

The hardest part for me is coming home to an empty apartment. I live alone and it is so lonely in my bed at night. For 30 years I have only had 4 months without a companion cat. I know I want to get another one just want the right timing.

Sorry for rambling on. My friends are getting tired of hearing about "it".

[moon_beam]

Hi, MishasMom, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with people who simply do not understand the grief process and what is best for you. It was very brave of you to take the kitty back to the shelter when it was obvious this was not a good match for either one of you.

My Black Lab, Oslo, who joined the angels November 29, 2009, was trained as a Special Needs Guide Dog for someone who had other physical challenges in addition to vision loss. Over a period of time it was obvious that it was not a good match. So Oslo was returned to his Alma Mater, Guiding Eyes for the Blind in Yorktown Heights, NY, and was given an early retirement. I was on the adoption list for a retired dog or a released puppy who didn't pass the personality requirements to train as a Service Partner. I was contacted about Oslo and we shared 11 years and 2 weeks together.

I also understand your safety concerns. I, too, am physically challenged due to injuries from a serious automobile collision almost 25 years ago. I have to be careful how I walk as I can lose my balance very easily. It is important for you to feel safe with your companion(s), for when you are safe so are they.

So, I hope by reading this you will see that you truly have done nothing wrong, and that you have given that little kitty an opportunity to find the "right" home for her. You have nothing, absoultely nothing, to feel guilty about.

MishasMom, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. And we so do appreciate your thoughtful, caring, comforting encouragement as well. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[MishasMom]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement.

Today has been a lonely day. I keep looking around hoping to see Mishas' pretty eyes winking at me. She was such a sweet little soul. I miss having her lay beside me on the bed. She would stretch out her legs behind her. She loved to be patted like a dog. I miss having her just beside me in quiet love for each other. We would play this game. She would swish her tail near my hand and I would say "I'm going to get it!" then try to grab her tail. We would do this over and over again. It is odd. I can't remember a lot of memories from when I first had her. I wish I could feel her again. I wish I could feel her presence around me. She hasn't visited me in my dreams yet either. I miss not having that unconditional love of hers.

It's hard for me to eat or sleep. I always knew it would be hard to lose her. I just never knew it would be this hard. I start crying out of the blue. I try to keep busy.

It gives me comfort being able to read other peoples stories and feelings. It allows me to grieve knowing I'm not the only one feeling this way.