Buck, My precious angel sleeps Options

[tanbuck]

My baby is gone. All my boys are gone. I'll tell more later.
-Donna

[tanbuck]

Thank you so much, Kelly, Ginger, Dennis, Rhapsedy, Patricia, and Margi. I know you know my heartache. I'm still a little numb. He's buried now. It was a peaceful passing. He was not able to get up on his back legs as of this afternoon. His numbers were skyhigh before they started the fluids. They had spiked over the weekend again. And while they did come down a little with the fluids, he wasn't passing the fluid at all. The vet said his kidneys were shutting down. He urinated a small amount after he got home but he should've been producing buckets given the amount of fluids he'd taken in today. His gums and tongue were pale and his eyes were weak. But, darn it, that tail was wagging and he was catching the golf ball from a lying down position right up until the vet got here. His body was tired even though he wasn't. I think the only way we could've ever have gotten "the look" from him would have been after we'd taken it too long.
The vet said the next steps for Buck were coma and/or seizures. We just couldn't take that risk. I told him we'd go to bed early tonight so he could rest. I asked him to never leave us even though he would leave his body. I asked him to protect his yard forever and to sleep with us every night in the "big bed." We haven't slept without him in 10 years. And at least one of us has been with him every single night for at least the last 4 years as we haven't travelled overnight so we wouldn't leave him.
He was a handsome boy tonight. He sat up proud and strong in his yard. There was a gentle breeze. Later, after he was gone, I sat next to him and talked to him but I had the distinct feeling that he wasn't in that body anymore. I told the brothers before he passed to let him get on the couch with them. I'm sure Frasier is slapping Buck's snout right now. My boys are together again. I can't believe I've lost my family in 10 months. 8/27/09, 3/19/10, and 6/7/10 - I wouldn't play the lottery with those numbers. My boys are gone. I'm not going to clean his things away quickly like I did Niles'. I waited with Frasier's things and I know now that is the way for me to go. I regret cleaning up after Niles so quickly. I still have so many issues to resolve about his death. I fear the grief that may overtake me now. I haven't fully grieved for Niles. And now I add Buck.
For those of you who encouraged me to skip work, I'm taking tomorrow off. I'll be alone but I'm sure I'll be on the forum. I think I need some quiet time.
Oh, the emptiness. There's so many holes. His presence in this house was overwhelming. We haven't had a conversation, my husband and I, in forever where Buck didn't get involved somehow. Demanding attention or food. He was the best.
I love you Buck. Sweet dreams, big man. Stay close. - Mommy
-Donna