Jonah - Such An Unexpected Loss Options

[Marcia4]

We live in upstate NY and lost our first dog 11 years ago this month. After 4 months we decided to rescue two dogs from the shelter, a black lab/shepherd mix named Shadow and a Rottweiler mix named Jonah. They were both about 3-4 years old then, and right as we were adopting Jonah, they determined he had heartworms. Since my husband had already met him, we decided to save his life, and it's the best decision we ever made.

Jonah and Shadow have lived wonderful lives with us and together. We have been more concerned about Shadow with her hip issues, but both of them were responding well to acupuncture at the vet...first Shadow, and then more recently Jonah as he seemed to develop a bad back, and in the past couple months a limp on his right front leg. We also had them on medication for arthritis (we figure they're both 14-15 years old now).

Last weekend everything was fine. Jonah loved to sit out in the yard (while Shadow is happier indoors) and they both got to take our first trip this year on our boat on the lake we live on. On Monday night, my husband was walking Jonah, and he cried out and couldn't walk. We rushed him to the emergency vet and they took x-rays, and he had fractured his right elbow.

We took him home and followed up with our vet the next day. The radiologist determined he had advanced bone cancer. But our vet thought he might be able to learn to walk on three legs, and we would try advance herbal pain remedies, as well as the pain medication he was on. However, my husband had to pick him up to take him out, and the vet showed him how.

By day two it really hurt Jonah to be picked up and he would cry out. When we took him outside - where he used to love it - he would shake and it hurt him to go to the bathroom. After 3 days of suffering and more consult with the vet, today she came out to our house and put him to sleep on his bed here. I had asked her to give him some valium first (which I did with my last dog) and that was stressful because she couldn't get a vein easily in his back leg. He cried and shook and that was so awful.

But then he did calm a bit and she found a vein easier in his front leg, and he laid his head down in about 5-7 seconds, very peacefully. She took him away and he's being cremated.

I keep telling myself we saved him from the most severe pain that the cancer would have brought him, and I don't believe we could have dealt with all the painful days waiting to see if the herbs would kick in to allow him to walk on three legs. I know what we did was right, but I am shocked that in just a couple days this active dog is gone. In fact, he loved food so much and it continued to be his favorite part of the last three days. He seemed normal in every way, except for his bones.

I forgot how much this hurts, maybe having gone through it only once before. It's a horrible, physical pain in my chest, and I keep crying......it's nice to know that others understand. Our house is small and I see him everywhere...his bed, his bowls, his toys, pictures.....I don't know how I will ever get over this severe hurt again. I miss my beautiful boy so very much. Poor Shadow I think is also in mourning.

I wrote most of this the day after he died......and here it is Saturday and my grief is still unbearable. I'm looking everywhere for him. Shadow is smelling his bed. Thanks for any support you can lend.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Marcia, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Jonah. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Like Donna and some of the other wonderful posters on this forum I have lost two of my furkids in a short period of time (see my threads on "Abbygayle's Journey" and "Oslo" for reference when you're up to it, if you want to).

Unfortunately our furkids' physical bodies are identical to ours and are therefore subject to the same physical challenges that we have. You did the very best by your precious Jonah, and hopefully someday when the deep grief lessens you will be able to embrace the good memories of the years you had with him. It doesn't matter if it's a first loss or 400th loss, Marcia, the grief journey is the same painful journey each and every time, and unfortunately there is no easy way through it - - no fast forward button to press to get to the place where it doesn't hurt quite so bad, where the empty ache in your heart isn't quite so painful.

Our furkids also grieve for their lost companions, so as you already know, it is important to give him lots of hugs and extra attention. Helping him through his grief will also help you. My little kitty son, Noah, is now the sole furchild survivor in a household that used to have 4 furkids. I tell him all the time how much I love him and how proud of him I am for taking such good care of his sister and his two older adopted siblings, Eli and oslo. When his big older "adopted" brother Eli died in 2006 Noah slept on his comforter for close to two years. I didn't wash it until I knew for certain that Noah had finally "abandoned" it. I still have Abbygayle's comforter and towel that she layed on available for him to visit, and he does still go over to them and settle down on them from time to time, so I will not wash them either until he shows me it's okay.

Marcia, please know you are among friends here who do understand what you're going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam