Abbygayle's Journey Options

[moon_beam]

My dear Lightning Strike Friends,
Today is a very hard day. It is Sunday and is very likely the last weekend I will have with my beautiful baby girl, Abbygayle. For those who may not already know, I started posting about my beautiful kitty daughter in the Pet Illness Forum. About 2 weeks ago she very quickly declined to not eating. Over the last 2 weeks I have had her into the vet twice on "emergency" visits where she was given subQ fluids and medication to help stimulate her appetite - - thinking at first that maybe the pain meds had suppressed her appetite. She has been on very mild pain meds since January but I know they can change the way food tastes and smells, and can make digestion quite unappealing. The last visit was Tuesday, March 9. Another vet in the practice saw her as Tuesdays are our regular vet's day off. The vet took a couple of x-rays which showed NO invasion of the Fibrosarcoma into her bones - - anywhere, and her vital organs looked well within normal limits. On Friday, March 5, Abbygayle's first "emergency" visit, her regular vet did a BUN test for kidney function which all results were well within all normal ranges.
My beautiful baby girl is not a happy camper. I am syringe feeding her to try to keep her from going into crisis so that we can have this last weekend together. But I am prepared to take her the ER vet today if she goes into seizure for some reason.
My precious Noah, Abbygayle's sibling brother, is trying his best to keep our little household together, but he will be the sole furchild survior in a household that has gone from 4 furkids to just him within a 39 month time frame. I love him dearly. He is bright and mischievous - - makes me laugh even in times of complete exasperation from his antics sometimes. Abbygayle is my baby cuddles girl. She has loved being held and cuddled since day one. Noah will let me hold him but just so long - - a typcal boy child who can tolerate mommy's "mushy stuff" just so long. Abbygayle on the other hand will let me hold her in my arms for as long as we both need a hug and cuddle. The pending reality of not being able to hold her in my arms again is just ripping apart my heart and spirit to the unbearable breaking point.
I have an appoitnment for her with her regular vet PCP tomorrow afternoon for an updated evaluation and to discuss euthanasia. I am hoping the vet can help me keep her comfortable through Wednesday afternoon so that I can take her in Wednesday evening for the procedure, bring her home to Noah, wrap her precious body, and return her to the vet on Thursday morning for cremation. I had scheduled to have Thursday off from work for a dental appointment, but I will cancel the dental appointment and still take Thursday off from work. If the vet cannot find anything definitive tomorrow that would help me better understand what has caused this sudden loss of appetite and snowballing failure, I may request that she do a necropsy before Abbygayle is cremated and returned to me.
Needless to say, my friends, I am in quite a sorrowful state. I can hardly see to type this through my tears, so I hope this makes some sense to you as you read through it. I ask that you please keep my precious Abbygayle and Noah in your thoughts and prayers, and I will let you know what happens as soon as I can. And please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers knowing that you are carrying your own burdens of grief and sorrow.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[ladywolf]

Hi Karen and Moon Beam and everyone--

I kind of laughed a little when you referred to "our little fur-kids," since mine weighs 115 pounds, and I can't budge her!

But I completely understand what you mean about other people not understanding. A lot of people either don't have pets, or they don't have them in the same way that we do. Some people can "have" a dog or a cat, bury that dog or cat, and just move on. I don't know how, but they do. They just don't experience the level of mutual devotion that people like us do--and therefore, the total devastation we feel when our beloveds depart. And the people who have never had animals at all--I don't trust 'em an inch! (Unless they're wildly allergic or something, in which case they may still be animal lovers and understand.)

I doubt that the girl at work meant any harm when she asked if you were still upset about Shelby, but there's nothing wrong with you being upset by that question, either. She was probably just curious and concerned--but for you, it scratched off a scab that's only beginning to heal.

I get questions sometimes like, "Oh, is your old wolf still around?" and I want to scratch their eyes out! "My old wolf" is my life-partner--she is my husband and my wife and my children all rolled up into one, since I have no other living family at all. Same thing when they say something like, "Well, she IS old, it must be her time." It will NEVER be "her time" for me, even if and when "her time" comes for her. Or someone will even say, "You mean, you can't leave her home alone? Do you think it might be time to..." How thoughtless. How rude. How painful to hear!

This is one reason that this Forum is so so important--we all understand what total devotion to our animals is about, and about the rupture they leave behind when they leave us. I wish that I COULD be a bit more philosophical about it, and sometimes I'm able to be--after all, Ladywolf IS about 15, and as one poster here said recently, wisely, about his own cat, "That's about warranty." But imagine, you non-animal people out there who hurt our feelings, intentionally or accidentally, if the car dealer showed up on your door the day your warranty expired and said, "Well, that's it. We're taking your car back today. You won't be able to drive anymore." Would they be upset? You betcha'!!

Everyone who can, keep on coming back here. Ladywolf has friends all over the world, but none of them are here where I live, so I have only two people in Arizona I can really talk to about it. (My out-of-town friends all agree that Ladywolf was supposed to be immortal!)

Karen, take care of yourself and be gentle on yourself. Choose your company wisely until you feel stronger. Well, actually, ALWAYS choose your company wisely. Anyone who can't understand my bond with my Wolf is not someone I particularly want to have in my universe--that's one reason my universe here in AZ. is small! Give yourself plenty of time, and come here and let it all out anytime you want to...

Big Hugs--Margi and the Wolf