First Time Dealing With Pet Loss Options

[Steve G]

hi everyone,
new at this, as well as new at grieving for my best friend, einstein. she was said to be a chow-mix, but if you google "swedish lapphund" you will see pictures that look exactly like her. she was 15 1/2, 108 in dog years, and we lost her suddenly, last tuesday morning. her labored breathing woke me around 3:30 a.m. - i tried to comfort her, and calm her down - noticed her tummy was kind of bloated - called the emergency vet, had to carry her to the car because she couldn't seem to walk. the vet said she was in shock, and noticed her gums and tongue were almost white - she was bleeding internally and the vet estimated she had lost half her blood into her abdomen. of course the option of blood transfusion, exploratory surgery, etc, etc - what could one do?? how could i subject my 108 year old baby to this medical treatment at her age? my wife and i just looked at each other, and knew we had to make the hard decision...

i first got einstein even before i met my wife, teresa. she's been a very special part of my life. this is the first time in my life, that i've had a pet from "start to finish". we had pets when we were kids, but my parents always seemed to find a reason to get rid of them before they got old - so here i am at 51, having to deal with the death of a pet for the first time ever.

been a horrible week, had to take a day off from work, very hard to stay focused, can't seem to get anything done at home, been scanning through old photos, almost anything dog-related makes me want to cry...

not sure how this all works, but any thoughts, comments, ideas, suggestions, are most welcome. from the way this feels, i doubt if anyone ever really can get used to these feelings, but maybe some of you have found solace in something.......

thanks,
steve g
seattle

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[Brutus]

I am so sorry about your loss of Einstien. We have all been there and feel your pain. The first month was so hard for me...I hardly slept and when I did I woke up crying...I couldn't eat...it's been 5 months now and I still cry. I went through all the classic stages of grief over and over again...guilt seems to be the one that never totally leaves me...Don't get me wrong...time does heal but you still will get times of such unbelievable sadness you will think things will never get better..but they do and they will. I think what helps me most when I'm really feeling down is to memorialize Brutus...put up another photo of him somewhere...add a new flower to his shelf where his ashes are...write a poem...and come here and talk about him. It is a long journey ahead of you but this is a great place to start...everyone here totally understands.

Brutus was 13 when we helped him to the bridge..my guilt comes from wondering if I did it too early..did I do everything right. I think guilt is the worst..we all torture ourselves with the whatifs.

Hugs to you and your fur angel..she is beautiful.
Brutus' Mom

[Steve G]

thanks for the kind thoughts, sonya...
someone told me once, earlier in life, when we had a death in the family - "death can put a hole in your heart, time can make the hole smaller, but it never goes away completely" - there is certainly merit in that statement.

today i am feeling totally useless - there are things i need to be doing, but simply don't have the ambition at this point. i haven't been eating much either, i open the fridge and look in - but nothing looks appetizing. i could drop a few pounds, but this is not what i had in mind!

i knew einstein was getting along in years, and i knew anything could happen anytime - but it still hits you like a freight train, damn...

been going through old photos on my computer, and printing out a bunch of 'em - that helps a bit. a couple have even made me laugh, so i guess there's some hope for me!

thanks again for caring,
steve

I am so sorry about your loss of Einstien. We have all been there and feel your pain. The first month was so hard for me...I hardly slept and when I did I woke up crying...I couldn't eat...it's been 5 months now and I still cry. I went through all the classic stages of grief over and over again...guilt seems to be the one that never totally leaves me...Don't get me wrong...time does heal but you still will get times of such unbelievable sadness you will think things will never get better..but they do and they will. I think what helps me most when I'm really feeling down is to memorialize Brutus...put up another photo of him somewhere...add a new flower to his shelf where his ashes are...write a poem...and come here and talk about him. It is a long journey ahead of you but this is a great place to start...everyone here totally understands.

Brutus was 13 when we helped him to the bridge..my guilt comes from wondering if I did it too early..did I do everything right. I think guilt is the worst..we all torture ourselves with the whatifs.

Hugs to you and your fur angel..she is beautiful.
Brutus' Mom