Guilt Options

[Rhapsedy]

Has anyone felt guilt months after their pet died? I felt incredible guilt right after Callaway died and the intense guilt has returned, it's been almost 7 months since he died. The pain is so hard and I sometimes feel like I'm going to loss my mind.

[webmasterpdx]

DO NOT blame yourself for anything.
You sent your pet to heaven as your pet was suffering, or died at home naturally. You, in no way, contributed to that.
I don't know your situation exactly, but I do know that.
Guilt is a normal part of loss. We second question, was it something we did that caused the illness. Was it the right decision to put our baby to sleep. Did we wait too long. Did we do it to early. etc, etc.......this is circular thinking.

The situation is this.....ask yourself one question. Did you love your pet? If the answer is yes, then you did everything as best you could in your pet's interest.
Simple as that.

It is normal to feel guilt, but it's not healthy. Try to focus on the love you both had for each other.....forget anything else as it's irrellevent at this point.

I hope you feel better.
-Donald

[ladywolf]

DO NOT blame yourself for anything.
You sent your pet to heaven as your pet was suffering, or died at home naturally. You, in no way, contributed to that.
I don't know your situation exactly, but I do know that.
Guilt is a normal part of loss. We second question, was it something we did that caused the illness. Was it the right decision to put our baby to sleep. Did we wait too long. Did we do it to early. etc, etc.......this is circular thinking.

The situation is this.....ask yourself one question. Did you love your pet? If the answer is yes, then you did everything as best you could in your pet's interest.
Simple as that.

It is normal to feel guilt, but it's not healthy. Try to focus on the love you both had for each other.....forget anything else as it's irrellevent at this point.

I hope you feel better.
-Donald

How very well said. It's what I've been trying to figure out a way to say without hurting anyone's feelings, which is why I hadn't posted here yet.

Guilt seems to come from the mind--that "very dangerous neighborhood that we should never wander into alone." It's a hamster wheel of craziness-making that does us nothing but harm. I keep saying over and over again that we all operate on the best possible information that WE HAD AT THE TIME. Hindsight is useful for the present and the future, but not for the past. We miss them, we long for them--it's natural, I guess, to feel as if we made the wrong decisions because we miss them so much, but doing so rips us to shreds for no reason. Everyone seems to feel some guilt when anyone dies. God knows, I did when my mother committed suicide. But even in that case, I knew that she did not WANT me to feel any guilt, so I managed to work it out. It was her choice then, not mine...

Please, ladies, cut yourself some slack and give your souls and minds and hearts a break. As Donald said, the key question is...Did I really love my pet? Did I think that I was acting in their best self-interests? Did they love me? Of course you did, and they did, and that's what matters--not the minute details of their passing. Try, instead, to remember their LIVING, which was grand and glorious!

Margi and the Wolf

[Rhapsedy]

How very well said. It's what I've been trying to figure out a way to say without hurting anyone's feelings, which is why I hadn't posted here yet.

Guilt seems to come from the mind--that "very dangerous neighborhood that we should never wander into alone." It's a hamster wheel of craziness-making that does us nothing but harm. I keep saying over and over again that we all operate on the best possible information that WE HAD AT THE TIME. Hindsight is useful for the present and the future, but not for the past. We miss them, we long for them--it's natural, I guess, to feel as if we made the wrong decisions because we miss them so much, but doing so rips us to shreds for no reason. Everyone seems to feel some guilt when anyone dies. God knows, I did when my mother committed suicide. But even in that case, I knew that she did not WANT me to feel any guilt, so I managed to work it out. It was her choice then, not mine...

Please, ladies, cut yourself some slack and give your souls and minds and hearts a break. As Donald said, the key question is...Did I really love my pet? Did I think that I was acting in their best self-interests? Did they love me? Of course you did, and they did, and that's what matters--not the minute details of their passing. Try, instead, to remember their LIVING, which was grand and glorious!

Margi and the Wolf

Thank you so much Margi! You are amazing, you are going thru such a rough time but you still come on here to support others.

How is Ladywolf doing today?