Guilt Options

[Rhapsedy]

Has anyone felt guilt months after their pet died? I felt incredible guilt right after Callaway died and the intense guilt has returned, it's been almost 7 months since he died. The pain is so hard and I sometimes feel like I'm going to loss my mind.

[Westiesam/Sharon]

It's funny you should mention this today -- I have been having horrible guilt feelings myself today. I was going over Sammy's last few months and feeling like there was just something I should have caught onto sooner. I feel guilty for the commercial pet food I gave her all those years and for all those vaccinations that I thought she had to have -- and the Frontline -- I could go on and on. She was my first dog -- my first pet -- and I wish I knew some of the things I know now -- I look back and realize that I didn't know how harmful most of those things were. I wish I could do it all over again. I feel like I really let her down.
Sharon

[CharliesMom]

It's funny you should mention this today -- I have been having horrible guilt feelings myself today. I was going over Sammy's last few months and feeling like there was just something I should have caught onto sooner. I feel guilty for the commercial pet food I gave her all those years and for all those vaccinations that I thought she had to have -- and the Frontline -- I could go on and on. She was my first dog -- my first pet -- and I wish I knew some of the things I know now -- I look back and realize that I didn't know how harmful most of those things were. I wish I could do it all over again. I feel like I really let her down.
Sharon

Guilt is as much a part of dog-rearing as child-rearing. I still feel guilty over Kris, my poodle mix who died almost 10 years ago. The vet told us that his kidney failure was probably caused by infected teeth. Well, I had no idea you were supposed to brush a dog's teeth. No vet had ever told us anything like that (which was probably because vets have only recently started paying attention to dental care in dogs). Also, we got Kris when he was almost two years old and he had a fit every time anyone went near his mouth so even if we had known, it probably wouldn't have made a lot of difference. However, it was one of the reasons I started brushing Charlie's teeth from the time he was a small puppy. I brushed his teeth every night so that by the time of his death his teeth were in such good shape that he never needed a professional dental cleaning by a vet.

Now here's the irony: if Charlie had required dental care he probably would have had his blood tested a lot sooner and we might have caught his kidney problem in time to do something about it. Here's another irony: Kris lived to be 16, yet I fed him inexpensive dog food (i.e., the kind you get at the grocery store) his entire life. Charlie, on the other hand, ate expensive, premium dog food from puppyhood on and yet he didn't even make it to his 9th birthday. Whatever you do it seems like something will always go wrong. Sharon, you mention vaccines being harmful, but what if you'd refused to allow Sammy to be vaccinated and then she caught parvo or some other horrific illness? You'd have blamed yourself for that too, I reckon.

I've actually come to the conclusion that you can't control everything. All you can do is the best you can, using the best information you have at the time. None of us have the option of living our lives over, but hopefully we learn as we go along and, at the very least, don't make the same mistakes twice. I gave Kris a good life and, fortunately for all of us, it was a long one. Charlie's life was short, but he crammed a lot of living into those 8 years, 11 months, and 23 days, and I helped him do it. I hope to give Belle a long life and hope even more that all her years will be pleasant. I hope the same for any other dogs I may own and will do my best to make it happen. Unfortunately, there just aren't any guarantees. It sucks, I know, but there it is.

Barbara

[Rhapsedy]

I've actually come to the conclusion that you can't control everything. All you can do is the best you can, using the best information you have at the time. None of us have the option of living our lives over, but hopefully we learn as we go along and, at the very least, don't make the same mistakes twice. I gave Kris a good life and, fortunately for all of us, it was a long one. Charlie's life was short, but he crammed a lot of living into those 8 years, 11 months, and 23 days, and I helped him do it. I hope to give Belle a long life and hope even more that all her years will be pleasant. I hope the same for any other dogs I may own and will do my best to make it happen. Unfortunately, there just aren't any guarantees. It sucks, I know, but there it is.

Barbara

Hi Barbara,

I think that is a big part of why I can't let go of the guilt because I can't control what I did... I can't change the past and I really wish I could! I hope that by working with a therapist I can work thru my control issues and move on.

Thank you for your response.