Abbygayle's Journey Options

[moon_beam]

My dear Lightning Strike Friends,
Today is a very hard day. It is Sunday and is very likely the last weekend I will have with my beautiful baby girl, Abbygayle. For those who may not already know, I started posting about my beautiful kitty daughter in the Pet Illness Forum. About 2 weeks ago she very quickly declined to not eating. Over the last 2 weeks I have had her into the vet twice on "emergency" visits where she was given subQ fluids and medication to help stimulate her appetite - - thinking at first that maybe the pain meds had suppressed her appetite. She has been on very mild pain meds since January but I know they can change the way food tastes and smells, and can make digestion quite unappealing. The last visit was Tuesday, March 9. Another vet in the practice saw her as Tuesdays are our regular vet's day off. The vet took a couple of x-rays which showed NO invasion of the Fibrosarcoma into her bones - - anywhere, and her vital organs looked well within normal limits. On Friday, March 5, Abbygayle's first "emergency" visit, her regular vet did a BUN test for kidney function which all results were well within all normal ranges.
My beautiful baby girl is not a happy camper. I am syringe feeding her to try to keep her from going into crisis so that we can have this last weekend together. But I am prepared to take her the ER vet today if she goes into seizure for some reason.
My precious Noah, Abbygayle's sibling brother, is trying his best to keep our little household together, but he will be the sole furchild survior in a household that has gone from 4 furkids to just him within a 39 month time frame. I love him dearly. He is bright and mischievous - - makes me laugh even in times of complete exasperation from his antics sometimes. Abbygayle is my baby cuddles girl. She has loved being held and cuddled since day one. Noah will let me hold him but just so long - - a typcal boy child who can tolerate mommy's "mushy stuff" just so long. Abbygayle on the other hand will let me hold her in my arms for as long as we both need a hug and cuddle. The pending reality of not being able to hold her in my arms again is just ripping apart my heart and spirit to the unbearable breaking point.
I have an appoitnment for her with her regular vet PCP tomorrow afternoon for an updated evaluation and to discuss euthanasia. I am hoping the vet can help me keep her comfortable through Wednesday afternoon so that I can take her in Wednesday evening for the procedure, bring her home to Noah, wrap her precious body, and return her to the vet on Thursday morning for cremation. I had scheduled to have Thursday off from work for a dental appointment, but I will cancel the dental appointment and still take Thursday off from work. If the vet cannot find anything definitive tomorrow that would help me better understand what has caused this sudden loss of appetite and snowballing failure, I may request that she do a necropsy before Abbygayle is cremated and returned to me.
Needless to say, my friends, I am in quite a sorrowful state. I can hardly see to type this through my tears, so I hope this makes some sense to you as you read through it. I ask that you please keep my precious Abbygayle and Noah in your thoughts and prayers, and I will let you know what happens as soon as I can. And please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers knowing that you are carrying your own burdens of grief and sorrow.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[moon_beam]

Hi, Margi and Donna, thank you so much for your thoughtfulness. Margi, I do perfectly understand that you have needed to be focused on other more critical circumstances, so please do not feel the need to apologize for not posting sooner, okay?

Donna, yes - - you really hit the nail on the head. I do feel exactly like a light has burned out. Except for the moments of deep sadness and grief and savoring the company of my Noah and the comfort from each of you here, I just feel really numb. I know this is pretty much normal for everything that my little household has been through over the last 9 months or so, going back to last July when my precious girl was diagnosed with the cancer - - but it doesn't make it any easier to go through - - to get through.

I can understand your concerns about cremating Buck. The first furchild that I lost as an adult my mom and I buried in a pet cemetery where we were living at the time because we were living in an apartment, and the management would not have appreciated us digging a grave on the apartment grounds. It has been over 30 years now since that time, and I don't know if that cemetery is still in business. Since then I have cremated my furkids for practical reasons as well as emotional ones: Practical - - I'm not able to dig a grave myself and don't have anyone to do one for me. Emotional - - with cremation I will have their physical bodies with me (as every body eventually returns to the earth from which we are created), and I have provided for their "final resting" in my Will. Also, since I have moved a couple of times I am glad I have their ashes to move with me instead of having to leave them behind. There is a local "human" funeral service that has recently opened a cemetery for companion animals - - including cremation services, and eventually I will probably go visit it to see what it is like and to make "final burial arrangements" for my furkids' ashes after I am deceased - - whenever that event may happen, which as far as I know isn't on the near-term horizon. So, I hope in sharing my experiences with you that in some way it will be of help and comfort to you as you face the "decision" about your precious Buck.

Margi, are you looking for employment locally where you are living now? You had mentioned something in one of your posts about going back to California (?) after Ladywolf is no longer with you, so are you looking elsewhere? Margi, I do hope and pray that you are able to find suitable employment where you would like to be. I hope your jewelry making and your other creative talents are helping to bring in some cash flow for you. Please keep us posted as to how you're doing with this, and definitely how your precious Ladywolf is doing.

Thank you, Margi and Donna, for your very thoughtful comfort. It means a lot to me - - more than words can say. Please know you - - and everyone in this wonderful forum -- are close in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to hearing from you and knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[ladywolf]

Margi, are you looking for employment locally where you are living now? You had mentioned something in one of your posts about going back to California (?) after Ladywolf is no longer with you, so are you looking elsewhere? Margi, I do hope and pray that you are able to find suitable employment where you would like to be. I hope your jewelry making and your other creative talents are helping to bring in some cash flow for you. Please keep us posted as to how you're doing with this, and definitely how your precious Ladywolf is doing.

Thank you, Margi and Donna, for your very thoughtful comfort. It means a lot to me - - more than words can say. Please know you - - and everyone in this wonderful forum -- are close in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to hearing from you and knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
[/quote]

Hi again, Moon Beam--

I forgot to tell you how gorgeous Abbygayle looks to me--and how sweet your little Noah. How sad for both of you that she is gone now...

I'm not going to be able to really even think about a move back to CA. until after Ladywolf passes. This is a perfect place for her--I have a bitty little house way off the street, so she can roam around the property safely at will, and I have a very forgiving landlord who understands how difficult these financial times are for me--so I ALWAYS run late on my very modest rent. (Today I had to borrow $3 to put oil in my car--I have to do this kind of thing all the time--it's really getting old!)

So I'm still looking for employment in this area--tiny Oracle, AZ., where the school is practically the only employer of any size at all. Today I checked in with the community college that is 45 mins. away, and the man I spoke with was actually enthusiastic about me teaching an English 101 class right here in Oracle, in their community outreach program. I just have to get cleared by the faculty, because my M.A. is in Psychology, though my B.A. is in English. I'm also looking into working at the local "Y" camp this summer. Part of the problem is that I am--excuse me for my pride--OVERqualified for so many things around here, like working at Circle K or the Dollar Store. They just won't even consider me. When I applied a couple of years ago to be a police dispatcher, the police chief wanted to know, after looking at my application and education, if I was pulling his leg! Sigh...

I make some money off my jewelry and handmade glass beads, but nothing like I used to back in the golden days when people were consuming. I probably made more as a jeweler in 1968 than I did this past year. Actually, I know that I did!

So I limp along. If I can break into the community college circuit, that will be a big step forward, because then I can apply at any community college anywhere, and have a chance of getting hired. And it WOULD be nice to be working with motivated adults for a change, instead of bored manic kids!

Thank you for asking about my employment situation--I don't get to write about it very often. I once had a lot of money. A lot. It's been very humbling to become abjectly poor, but I sure have learned a lot about survival. Another issue for me is that my chronic depression, which is fairly well controlled right now with meds, prevents me from working full-time--I get too anxious and sad when locked into a regular 40 hour a week schedule, even WITH the meds.

Enjoy your adorable little Noah. I know how you feel, not knowing quite what to do at the end of a pet's life with his or her body. I'm alone too--but luckily, I've had several offers ahead of time of help in digging a grave for Ladywolf when the time comes. So I'll be burying her on a close friend's property. It will have to be a very large and deep hole--around here, we have to worry about coyotes raiding graves...

Yuck, I don't want to think about it right now.

I send you lots and lots of love!

Margi and the giant Wolf