My Little Fleetwood Options

[Missing Fleetwoo...]

This is the story of a very special kitty named Fleetwood. My partner Mike and I had been together for about five years when a friend of our who worked as in a vet’s office started asking us if we wanted to adopt another kitty to keep our then five year old calico, Corina, company. I was pretty much against the idea because Corina seemed happy and I think she liked having us all to herself. So after a few months of saying no, I finally said yes, but I wanted a grey female tabby, unfortunately the only kitten she had left as a black and white male who was abandoned by his mother. I really didn’t want a male but decided I would bite the bullet and take him home with us.

We brought him home and began the task of deciding on a name for him. Being a big Fleetwood Mac fan I thought it would be fun to name him Fleetwood. Looking back I now realize that the name was as unique as he was. That first night was an experience I will never forget. Fleetwood was running all through the house and Corina just sat there growling and hissing at him. At one point he jumped up on the back of the sofa and fell between the cushions and the back of the sofa. He was so worn out he immediately went to sleep. My partner and I decided it was time to go to sleep ourselves and within the hour Fleetwood was up and running around again. All nightlong! I finally had to get up and close the bedroom door and lock both cats out of the room because of their fighting and because I was determined to where going to like each other.

The next day I noticed Corina stopped meowing and her eyes looked a little cloudy. Soon after that she become very lethargic and developed diarrhea. Thinking Fleetwood had brought some disease in the house I immediately wanted to give him back because he made my little girl sick. I took her to an evening vet office to have her checked out and a day later received a call that she had feline leukemia and we need to put her down right away. I was devastated. I had to leave work I could not even concentrate on driving. I also was not accepting this diagnosis. The next day I took her to another vet for a second opinion. The first thing the second vet asked me was if we had gotten any new pets recently. I told her about Fleetwood and she said that was probably the problem. They checked her out again and she checked out OK. Boy was I mad! Two vet bills of almost $1000 only to find out she is just acting like a spoiled only child (although I can relate, I was an only child until I was 17.) I took her home and looked her in the eye and said, “Listen missy, he’s here to stay so get over it!” An hour later the two of them were rolling around and playing as if they had been best friends for life!

For nine years they were inseparable. I would come home and find them curled up on the bed together or they would both be waiting for me at the door if I came home later than normal and their dinner would be late. As Fleetwood grew he developed a personality as unique as his name. An insecure kitty he would jump and run if some one just sneezed or if he heard a noise he was unfamiliar with. At night when we would go to bed, if he did not see us go to the bedroom, he would stay in the dark living room and would cry until I called him, then he would come running down the hall and jump onto the bed. I always liked to call him my ADD (Attention Demanding Disorder!) He always had to be held or petted. He could be sound asleep and if you just touched him he would be up and wanting to be petted. He loved to lie on his back in my arms and have his chin scratched. I would do this for hours while watching TV.

In February of this year we took a trip with friends to San Francisco for a few days and another friend had offered to check in on the cats and feed them for us. The morning we left I was lying in bed getting ready to get up and Fleetwood crawled up on my stomach and lay there purring while I rubbed his ears. He loved early morning playtime and I knew he wouldn’t get any for a few days so I was spending a little extra time with him. I also knew I had an extra day with him when I came home before I had to go back to work so I knew playtime would be the order of the day when I returned.

The second day we were in San Francisco, my friend who was taking care of the cats called me on my cell phone and wanted to know if it was unusual for the cats to throw-up a lot. Corina has always been a cat that threw-up once in awhile so I asked him how much and he said only a couple of piles. Being this was the normal for Corina and I didn’t think much of it. I asked him if the cats seemed OK and he said both were seemed fine.

The next day was Saturday and we had just left the hotel with our friend and were walking down the street to find some place to have breakfast when my cell phone rang. It was our friend who was taking care of the cats. When I answer I could tell something was wrong. Then he started crying. I asked him what was the matter.

“Oh Mark, I don’t know how to tell you.”
Tell me what I asked him.
“Fleetwood’s dead!”
Fade to black…

I really don’t remember much after that. My friends say I collapsed on the street. They helped my partner get me back to our room where I sat dazed. This could not be happening. My partner Michael and didn’t know what to do. We were at least six to eight hours away by car (we drove my car instead of flying.) We had planned this trip with our friend’s months in advance and did not want to cut short their trip and our hotel room was already paid for and I doubt if we could have gotten a refund. Michael and I talked and decided there really was nothing we could do by going home except to sit and cry. Our friend who gave us Fleetwood was going to pick up his body and take him out to a ranch a friend of hers had and bury him next to one of her cats. This made me feel better knowing he would not be “just disposed of” and would be handled with care.

The rest of the trip I was pretty much in a daze. I went out with our friends that day and decided I was going to get so drunk that it would all be a dream. I found out there is not enough alcohol in the world to accomplish this task! Michael stayed in the room; he just wanted to be alone. The next evening we all went out again and even though my friends were making sure I was having a good time reality was starting to hit me and I started to feel a pain I had never felt before in my life. I finally excused myself and went back to the hotel where I cried and whaled for almost 2 hours. The next day I could barely drive and ended up crying most of the way from San Francisco to Los Angeles.

That was four months ago and I still feel like it was yesterday. I have noticed a distinct change in our other cat, Corina. Ever since Fleetwood died she has taken on different parts of his personality. She used to never meow except to be fed, and now she meows all the time like he did. She used to never cry and now she cry’s a lot (Fleetwood always cried, he was an insecure kitty.) She is always looking under the bed or down the hallway to see if Fleetwood will come and play with her. Also we have noticed that she often goes to the place where Fleetwood died and just lays there, like she is visiting with him.

The pain and sadness has gotten better these last couple of months, but I still feel like I let Fleetwood down by not being there when he needed me the most. I can still see his little eyes looking at me and saying, “Why aren’t you helping me?” Sometimes it hurts so bad that I feel like I am living that day over and over again.

I miss my Fleetwood. Some please tell me the pain and guilt will go away soon.
Mark

[Missing Fleetwoo...]

Hello everyone, I know it has been awhile since I was last out here and my thoughts and prayers go out to everybody that has lost a beloved fur baby recently. I know the pain all to well as you can see by my earlier posts of my dear little Fleetwood.

I wish I was posting with happier news but if you followed my posts you know we had a scare with our older kitty Corrina last year when we thought she had ingested a flower she shouldn’t have. Well all of her tests for kidney disease have shown normal and the disease itself has not progressed much.

A couple of weeks ago we noticed Corrina was not eating her food and was leaving little black runny droppings around the house. My partner Michael took her to the vet and had x-rays and ultra-sounds done and my worst fear came true, CANCER!

This sweet wonderful little creature came into Michael’s life about 16 years ago. He had recently lost his partner after a long battle with AIDS and someone had suggested he get a pet to keep him company. So one day while visiting his mother in Orange County, Mike’s best friend Arthur talked him into going to a pet store. Michael began looking at the kittens and none of them seemed to be interested in him, except for one little Calico that came right up to him. He looked at her and knew she was the one!

A couple of months later Michael and I meet and we started seeing each other. I lived in Ontario, California and he lived in San Diego so I would drive down on the weekends to see him. I remember the first time I went to San Diego to see Michael I was tired after driving so we laid down on the bed to take a nap. About an hour later I woke up to find Corrina sitting on Michael’s back just staring at me.

So her and I became like one. The minute I would arrive to his apartment, she would jump on my lap and would not leave until I packed my bags to go home on Sunday night. Michael would tell me he knew about what time I was due to arrive because she would start sitting at the door waiting for me. And if she was in another part of the apartment and heard my car alarm set, she would run to the door and wait for me to come in. We were both hooked. Michael later would confess that it was Corrina that picked me as he was seeing other people at the same time, but I was the only one she would go to.

For the next 16 years she was always on our laps when we watched TV. She came to bed with us every night, and made sure we were awake by 5:00 AM every morning to feed her. She greeted at the door when we came home and would always sit with me in my office when I was working on my computer. She laid at my feet when I was studying for school and would lay with me when ever I did not feel good.

Now we are faced with the decision of putting her to rest after all these years. This is unbearable and I don’t know if I can handle this. I am still hurting from the loss of Fleetwood two years ago and now I am faced with losing one of the most precious animals I have ever known. Seeing her this morning as her breathing was a bit more labored than it has been in past days tore my heart out. I know I don’t want her to suffer but I guess foolishly I thought we would have more time with her.

The pain is more than I think I can handle and the decision to help her cross the rainbow bridge is so much harder than I thought it would be. This morning we were talking and decided we would do it this Friday. But at the last minute Michael changed his mind and said we will give her one more week. My life will forever be empty without her and I don’t know how I will be able to go on.

Mark