Hello, New here Options

[BullyMama]

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello to everyone here.

I had no plans to join but....after reading Sheppie's "I Did Not See This Coming, Sudden Death", I decided to join.

I wound up here by way of links from another pet bereavement site. Sheppie's post was the very first that I read from the forum...I was drawn to it because of the title. Yet completely taken aback once I read about her loss....her story is also mine.

On New Year's Day 2010 I lost my girl, Maggie (hemangiosarcoma).

While I am not new to loosing a pet and all the sadness that surrounds such a great loss, loosing Maggie was slightly different. Rather than start a new topic I will develop on loosing Maggie within Sheppie's topic as referenced above (it fits best there).

To continue my introduction,

To date I have lost (euthanized) 8 dogs (due to old age or terminal illness), and most recently Maggie. I have also euthanized my bird (illness), and buried two Hamsters.

I am invloved in dog rescue as a volunteer and have found such happiness in all that I do to help homeless dogs.

While loosing any pet is never easy, loosing Maggie has been the hardest for me. In trying to heal and move forward I realized this time was not like the times before and I really needed to find a place where my feelings would be welcome and understood....I do think this is the place.

To all of you who have lost a pet...I am so sorry for your loss. Please know I feel for you. I know & understand the pain, sadness, guilt, emptiness and tears well. I walk the path alongside you.

I hope that my time here will help me heal and move forward, but I also hope to be a member who brings something to the table....support, understanding, empathy, strength in numbers.

With love, hugs and a great sadness,

BullyMama (aka; Maggie's Mom)

[tanbuck]

Hi Maggie's Mom. I just read your post and I'm sorry that Maggie passed away and how it happened. We lost our cat Frasier last August (we had him put to sleep at our house) and our now losing his brother Niles. I've gone over all the different scenarios that could possibly happen and I've worried about being in the situation you were in. I know there aren't words to relieve the blame you're putting on yourself about how she died. I know that your logical mind tells you that she knew you loved her (and it's obvious you certainly did and still do) but your emotional mind wants to torture you. I don't know why we are that way.
If you're anything like me, you've probably obsessed over what her last moments must have been like. I so wish I had words to comfort you. The only thing I can say is that on Frasier's last day when his kidneys completely shut down and his heart was failing and his colon had stopped working, my sweet vet explained that an animal's body has the unique ability to release some sort of chemical which helps to sedate and calm him/her as the body shuts down. Even though Frasier was on the verge of going into seizures, he didn't seem to be feeling any pain. I'm sure Maggie must have experienced that too. It made me feel better to think it anyway.
But as you read other posts you'll realize like I did that no matter how it happens, we feel guilt. There's so many unknowns. I guess we feel like we have to punish ourselves for not being able to save them. I don't know. But when you're feeling guilty and thinking that if only you'd brought her home and she could've died in your arms with you comforting her, remember that in all those unknowns is also the "what if you brought her home and she ended up suffering a horrible death in your arms and you would have those images in your head forever." (that's a weird run-on sentence) But at least this way, you can sometimes let yourself believe that it could've been peaceful even though you weren't there. And I know you know that animals usually go off on their own, if they can, when it's their time. I don't know. I'm probably not helping at all and I'm sorry. I just read alot of myself in what you were saying. So I figure you're beating yourself up like I beat myself up. I've been over Frasier's sickness and death a million times. I come up with something else to feel guilty about every time. And now I'm doing it with Niles. I've second-guessed every step of the way. My heart goes out to you and I pray that you will endure this time of intense grief and guilt. Dogs love us unconditionally so you know Maggie's not blaming you. And I'm sure she didn't like it when you were sad. You don't ever know when her little spirit might be sitting next to you. She wouldn't want you hurt.
I know I've rambled and I'm sorry. My heart is so heavy these days, I guess I have alot to get out. I hope I haven't come across in a cold way because I certainly didn't mean to. This forum is such a great place to be hugged by people who know EXACTLY what you're feeling even when you feel like no one could possibly understand.
-Donna