How Do I Help My Other Dog Get Over A Loss?, Helping a grieving pet Options

[CharliesMom]

Hi, everyone. I'm new to the forum and my own loss is very recent. My sweet Charlie, a West Highland White Terrier who would have been 9 next Saturday, was discovered just a little over a month ago to be suffering from kidney disease, apparently due to some sort of genetic abnormality. On Friday afternon, I had just returned from yet another visit to the vet and was sitting beside Charlie on the sofa, stroking his fur, when he suddenly went into a seizure that lasted only a minute (it felt much longer) then he let out a little breath and was gone. He had lost so much weight and had grown so weak that I guess his poor little body just couldn’t take any more. Fortunately, my parents had just dropped by to offer support so I wasn’t alone when it happened. I really think I might have lost my mind if I had been.

I have three problems, really. The first, of course, is that I am heartbroken. Charlie was the best dog I ever knew, feisty and funny, sweet-natured and so very sensitive. He understood me better than anyone ever did, human or otherwise. In the past I’ve been forced to make the wrenching decision to have pets put down, but Charlie, unselfish to the end, spared me that. I do take some comfort in the thought that that, in death as in life, he did it his way. But I am bitter and angry that we had so little time together. Westies usually live to be about 15. Charlie was only 8 and therein lies my second problem. It seems so unfair, especially when I’ve always taken such good care of my dogs. I brushed Charlie’s teeth every night from puppyhood, fed him the best quality food, made sure he got plenty of exercise, took him to the vet every single time he seemed out of sorts, protected him from every possible toxic substance, and still this thing happened. We should have had years more together and I don't know how I'm going to live the rest of my life without him.

The third and most pressing problem is my other dog, an 8-year-old Sheltie named Belle who has never known a single day of her life without Charlie. I’m terribly concerned about her because she's been avoiding me ever since Charlie died. She was there when it happened and while I have no idea how much she understood, every time I call to her now she runs in the opposite direction. I don't think she blames me for what happened but surely senses my sadness and I think that's what she's avoiding. Of course she's also very sad herself. Charlie was always her champion, fighting her battles like the gallant little soul that he was, once even taking on a Rottweiller in her defense (and, believe it or not, got the better of the Rottie!). Now he's gone and she seems so lost without him that I don't know what to do with her. This morning I took her with me to the animal hospital to return some of Charlie's unused pills and we saw a Westie there. Belle's face just lit up and she ran toward the Westie with such joy and excitement, it just about broke my heart. It really hurts too, that she's avoiding me, because she was always my faithful little shadow. If anyone has ideas about what I might do for this poor grieving dog, I would appreciate hearing them. I absolutely could not bear to lose her too.

Sorry for the length of this post. I just have so many feelings rolling around inside that I have to get them out. Thanks for indulging me!

Regards,

Charlie & Belle's Mom

[janika]

Hello CharliesMom

Please accept my condolences for the sad loss of your dear Westie, Charlie. He sounds to be a great dog and I know you will be feeling heartbroken to lose him like that. Remember though that he was with his mom, in familiar surroundings and being cuddled and loved. Please take comfort in that.
We had a dear Westie too, her name was Frostie, and like your Charlie she succumbed to Kidney disease at the age of 8. She was my mums dog really, but was a big part of my teenage years and I'll never forget her.
Belle will be missing her fur brother so much that her behaviour will be 'different' for a while. Although it's sad to think of her being there at the time, in a way it will help her to understand. It's worse when our remaining fur babies are left in confusion when their fur siblings just suddenly vanish. She will need time to adjust to being the sole dog, but you will both be such a comfort for each other. Noushka took a few weeks to settle after we lost our darling Tasha. But settle she did, and she had a very happy life for the next 4 years. We lost her at the age of 13, just over 6 months ago.
Please let us know how you and Belle are getting on.
Thinking of you
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

[CharliesMom]

Here's another question: at what point are you ready to think about getting another dog? When I saw the way Belle responded to the Westie at the animal hospital today, I realized how confusing it must be for her to be an only dog. Except for the brief time Charlie was hospitalized, she's never been on her own. Of course I've been staying very close to home the past couple of days, not only because I'm still sort of a basket case myself, but also because I'm worried about leaving Belle alone. I know I'm not ready to get another dog just now, just as I'm equally sure I'll never be able to replace Charlie (he is and was truly irreplacable), but I want to do right by Belle too. Knowing how much he loved her, Charlie would never forgive me if I didn't.

[BullyMama]

Here's another question: at what point are you ready to think about getting another dog? When I saw the way Belle responded to the Westie at the animal hospital today, I realized how confusing it must be for her to be an only dog. Except for the brief time Charlie was hospitalized, she's never been on her own. Of course I've been staying very close to home the past couple of days, not only because I'm still sort of a basket case myself, but also because I'm worried about leaving Belle alone. I know I'm not ready to get another dog just now, just as I'm equally sure I'll never be able to replace Charlie (he is and was truly irreplacable), but I want to do right by Belle too. Knowing how much he loved her, Charlie would never forgive me if I didn't.

Charlie's Mom,

With regard to your question, the answer is different for everyone. Only you will know when the time is right, or maybe it will take the 'right' dog coming into your life to make you see that you are ready. If you are not ready to get another dog, or sure about it....have you thought about fostering a homeless dog for a rescue or shelter group? It would give you an idea if you are ready for another dog, and would also help you see if another dog is what Belle needs and wants, plus you would be doing something great for a homeless dog. Just a suggestion.

Belle is grieving too and it is very normal, I watched my youngest dog grieve Maggie for several weeks and I still think she misses Maggie. You can help Belle by giving her extra attention, or doing new things with her...like an extra walk or a car ride somewhere.

I have no doubt you could ever replace Charlie, but a new dog will bring new love into your life!

I was given a book written by Eugene O'Neill titled; The Last Will and Testament of an Extremely Distinguished Dog, it is written in a way that it appears the dog has written it, and was written in the 1940's. Below is a quote from it:

~One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say. "When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could never love another one." Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now she cannot live without a dog! I have never had a narrow, jealous spirit. I have always held that most dogs are good. My successor can hardly be as well bred or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome as I was in my prime. My Master and Mistress must not ask the impossible. But he will do his best, I am sure, and even his inevitable defects will help by comparison to keep my memory green. ~



BullyMama

[CharliesMom]

~One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say. "When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could never love another one." Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again. What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, now she cannot live without a dog! I have never had a narrow, jealous spirit. I have always held that most dogs are good. My successor can hardly be as well bred or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome as I was in my prime. My Master and Mistress must not ask the impossible. But he will do his best, I am sure, and even his inevitable defects will help by comparison to keep my memory green. ~

I love this! And I am definitely going to look for this book. It sounds delightful. Charlie was a typical West Highland terrier whom the AKC describes as "possessed of no small amount of self-esteem." This passage, in fact, could easily have been written by Charlie, especially the part about never having had 'a narrow, jealous spirit.' I also like your idea of fostering a dog initially to see how Belle reacts. My vet has done a lot of volunteer work for Westie Rescue and I'm sure he could hook us up with a sweet little Westie who is in need of at least a temporary home. I know we'll never find another Charlie, but when my old dog died just after New Year's 9 years ago, I didn't think I could ever care for another dog as much. Then, three months later, I walked into a breeding pen and saw a litter of 3-day-old Westie pups, one of whom would grow up to be my very own Bonnie Prince Charlie. Thanks, Bully Mama. You've hit the nail on the head once again!

Barbara