My Girl Is Gone Options

[greyghost751]

Last Friday after an 8 month battle with the unknown I had to put my Jess to sleep. She was a beautiful 9 year old border collie and meant the world to me. I had done my very best to look after her and make sure that no harm came to her but in the end there was not much else I could do. I took her to the vet on Friday morning and after checking her over she said that she wanted to admit her and do an ultrasound. At 12:30pm the vet called and said that there was cancer pretty much everywhere in her body.

The last 3 days she didn't really have any energy and had also gone off her food. I had said to the vet that morning that I did not want her to suffer. The vet gave me the options to have her for the weekend, take it day by day or to end her suffering that day. I did not hesitate and said end it now, I went down early to play with Jess with her ball the best that she could and to give her some tummy rubs. She had labored breathing due to the cancer and by the looks found it hard to lay down because of the pain, she also had a lot of pain when she needed to go also. The nurses asked if I was ready and I said yes, the vet came in and we talked a bit. Jess of course just wanted out as she always did at the vet, she had many visits over her time and it wasn't her favorite place. We got Jess to sit down and the vet administered the drug as she sat next to me and I patted her, it happened so fast as she was then at peace. I patted her for a few minutes after and then said goodbye to her and left.

After that I drove home and called my wife and told her she was gone, she came home to comfort me, I pretty much feel apart over the next 4 days. Jess was my dog and I had her well before I met my wife and we had kids. She was a big spoiled dog back then and well over weight due to me giving her to many treats we sorted that out and got her down to a perfect weight for many years.

I think I have gone through most of the emotions that I have read about but keep coming back to guilt and regret. My thinking was that when she passed that she would not be stressed and that I would be as calm as I possible could so as not to distress her. The problem is that I feel guilty that I didn't do enough for her when it happened. I keep thinking to myself that I should have said the words goodbye and hugged her and not just patted her. My wife said to me that just being there for her was all Jess would have wanted. I just keep beating myself up over it I can't help it. She meant so much to me and I miss her so much, I have pictures of her every where. My wife bought a lovely wooden box which I keep her things in, it sits next to me in my office. When I get her ashes back this week the ashes will be there too.

I know this is long but I feel I just need some extra support to help me through this. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

J

[Rhapsedy]

Last Friday after an 8 month battle with the unknown I had to put my Jess to sleep. She was a beautiful 9 year old border collie and meant the world to me. I had done my very best to look after her and make sure that no harm came to her but in the end there was not much else I could do. I took her to the vet on Friday morning and after checking her over she said that she wanted to admit her and do an ultrasound. At 12:30pm the vet called and said that there was cancer pretty much everywhere in her body.

The last 3 days she didn't really have any energy and had also gone off her food. I had said to the vet that morning that I did not want her to suffer. The vet gave me the options to have her for the weekend, take it day by day or to end her suffering that day. I did not hesitate and said end it now, I went down early to play with Jess with her ball the best that she could and to give her some tummy rubs. She had labored breathing due to the cancer and by the looks found it hard to lay down because of the pain, she also had a lot of pain when she needed to go also. The nurses asked if I was ready and I said yes, the vet came in and we talked a bit. Jess of course just wanted out as she always did at the vet, she had many visits over her time and it wasn't her favorite place. We got Jess to sit down and the vet administered the drug as she sat next to me and I patted her, it happened so fast as she was then at peace. I patted her for a few minutes after and then said goodbye to her and left.

After that I drove home and called my wife and told her she was gone, she came home to comfort me, I pretty much feel apart over the next 4 days. Jess was my dog and I had her well before I met my wife and we had kids. She was a big spoiled dog back then and well over weight due to me giving her to many treats we sorted that out and got her down to a perfect weight for many years.

I think I have gone through most of the emotions that I have read about but keep coming back to guilt and regret. My thinking was that when she passed that she would not be stressed and that I would be as calm as I possible could so as not to distress her. The problem is that I feel guilty that I didn't do enough for her when it happened. I keep thinking to myself that I should have said the words goodbye and hugged her and not just patted her. My wife said to me that just being there for her was all Jess would have wanted. I just keep beating myself up over it I can't help it. She meant so much to me and I miss her so much, I have pictures of her every where. My wife bought a lovely wooden box which I keep her things in, it sits next to me in my office. When I get her ashes back this week the ashes will be there too.

I know this is long but I feel I just need some extra support to help me through this. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

J

J

I am so sorry for your loss. I too had (have) the same guilt and regret for not doing more for my dog Callaway when I made the decision to put him to sleep. I always said that I would be strong, hold him and tell how much I loved him during the procedure. Well, it didn't work out that way, all I could do was be there with him but I was so emotional that I just cried and put my head on his paw. Callaway too was very scared when the vet put the needle in his leg. I even tried to give him a sedative an hour before the procedure but it didn't seem to calm him down. We both need to realize that we did the best we could, you and I were very emotional because we were losing our best friend, there is no way to plan for such a difficult thing. I truly think that no matter how things ended we would find something to feel guilty about, it's just part of the grieving process for many people.

It sounds like Jess had a wonderful life and you should focus on what an incredible dad you were to her for eight years, as I type this to you I struggle with telling myself that too. It has been almost 6 months since I lost Callaway and I am better than I was on that horrible afternoon September 16th. Your guilt and pain will lessen and you will start thinking of the good times that you had with Jess, it just takes time to deal with your loss. I think the thing that helped me thru was dealing with my emotions, don't try to hide your emotions, let them out. Talk to your wife about your feelings, I think the more you express your feelings the sooner the healing will begin. I had always hid my feelings in the past but when I lost Callaway my feelings were too strong to hold in, so I had to learn to be vulnerable and let everything out. Another thing I suggest is coming to this site often, everyone on here knows how devastating losing an animal can be and can help you thru the pain, they all helped me immensely.

I will be praying that you find peace soon with your loss. I never used to pray before but have been doing it since I lost Callaway. I find it to be very helpful for myself and others.

Take care,
Rhapsedy