Hello, New here Options

[BullyMama]

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello to everyone here.

I had no plans to join but....after reading Sheppie's "I Did Not See This Coming, Sudden Death", I decided to join.

I wound up here by way of links from another pet bereavement site. Sheppie's post was the very first that I read from the forum...I was drawn to it because of the title. Yet completely taken aback once I read about her loss....her story is also mine.

On New Year's Day 2010 I lost my girl, Maggie (hemangiosarcoma).

While I am not new to loosing a pet and all the sadness that surrounds such a great loss, loosing Maggie was slightly different. Rather than start a new topic I will develop on loosing Maggie within Sheppie's topic as referenced above (it fits best there).

To continue my introduction,

To date I have lost (euthanized) 8 dogs (due to old age or terminal illness), and most recently Maggie. I have also euthanized my bird (illness), and buried two Hamsters.

I am invloved in dog rescue as a volunteer and have found such happiness in all that I do to help homeless dogs.

While loosing any pet is never easy, loosing Maggie has been the hardest for me. In trying to heal and move forward I realized this time was not like the times before and I really needed to find a place where my feelings would be welcome and understood....I do think this is the place.

To all of you who have lost a pet...I am so sorry for your loss. Please know I feel for you. I know & understand the pain, sadness, guilt, emptiness and tears well. I walk the path alongside you.

I hope that my time here will help me heal and move forward, but I also hope to be a member who brings something to the table....support, understanding, empathy, strength in numbers.

With love, hugs and a great sadness,

BullyMama (aka; Maggie's Mom)

[BullyMama]

Hi Jan,

Thank you for your compliments about Maggie. She was a good girl, very sweet, she just adored everyone she met. Maggie was a registered therapy dog and loved to do therapy work. People were afraid of her because of the breed she was and the short ear crop did not help. I always felt bad for Maggie when she was excited to meet people and they freaked out over her breed. Poor Maggie was so sensitive that when people did this she would stop in her tracks, stop wiggling, stop wagging her tail and just hang her head, almost in shame. Those who were willing to look past her breed and get to know her found out quickly what a nice dog she was.

Thank you for your words, while I am very sorry that your Noushka left this world as Maggie did and that you do understand because your feelings, regrets & guilt are similar to mine, it is comforting to know someone really understands. Your response means a lot to me.

It seems when I express to the people in my life that I feel like I dumped Maggie they just don't get it or know what to say. One person even said I was just feeling sad for myself (not sad over loosing Maggie) and that I was only worried how it looks (leaving Maggie at a vet clinic even though I knew she was dying). I've had people tell me that I should have brought her home since I knew she was dying. It was also said I was being selfish not wanting her to die at home. These things all add to my guilt and do not help, so now I just do not even bother expressing my feelings when people ask how I am doing.

I have thought that Maggie may have wanted it to be the way it was, like she did not want me to be there or make it harder on me. Perhaps you are right, maybe Noushka and Maggie were so selfless & caring they wanted to go it alone rather than cause us any more hurt.

I've heard that dogs do not fear death and do hope it is true. I so hope Maggie did not suffer and only felt peace as she passed.

I am not sure if my husband feels like he let us down, he does not talk about it and is not ready to. He has more than loosing Maggie to get through...his Mom passed away two months before Maggie did. I do not feel like he let me or Maggie down, I am positive he was only doing what he thought was best for Maggie. I am proud of him for the way he handled everything.

I know Maggie would not want me to be sad yet I cannot help but feel this way, I hope one day it won't be so painful. It will take some time and while I will never stop being sad she is no longer here with me my hope is that I won't always feel this awful.

Jan even as you are working through your own loss you are amazingly strong and it shows in your words of support to others. Thank you for sharing all that you have about your own loss and your girl Noushka, it has helped me.

*hugs*

BullyMama