Niles' Story, Losing my 2nd baby Options

[tanbuck]

Hello to all. I haven't been on the forum in awhile and I feel bad that I haven't been able to offer support to y'all. Some of you may know me from "Frasier's Story". If you've read it, then you know we lost Frasier last August. My immeasurable grief has been the same as all of yours. Unfortunately we share that in common.
I'm not ready to tell everything yet but we are now losing Frasier's littermate, Niles. He is dying of kidney failure. That's the first time I've said it that way and the tears are welling up in my eyes to the point I can't see. We just found out last week and I'm dealing with getting ready. So many of you know what I mean. To make matters worse, we had our dog Buck rechecked for his kidney values last week as he has been in compensated kidney failure for a year now and his numbers had taken a dramatic jump. He is doing very well though so we are just thankful for each day we have him.
I'll talk more later and again, I'm sorry to all of you who have come here to the forum since the last time I was on and I didn't offer support. I was pushing myself away from this website in denial that Niles might be leaving me.
My broken heart goes out to all of you as I know yours is broken too.
-Donna

[tanbuck]

I meant to do this last night and didn't....
Madi, thank you for your thoughts and prayers and your sweet words about my love for Frasier. Just reading what you wrote touched my heart.
Ladywolf, I know your story too. I read it as you posted so I know how hard losing Poppers was and is and I know you've agonized over Ladywolf. You really do know my current anguish. Niles is 15 and Buck is 11. I knew when I got Niles and Frasier that I could lose them either close to one another or for the same problems. What I didn't think about 4 years later was that getting a big dog meant that all 3 would probably go near each other. Our home will be so empty. Thank you for replying to me.
Jan, thank you for saying "darling Angel Frasier". That's exactly how I refer to him too. Each morning when I say my blessing for breakfast, I make sure I thank God for Niles, Buck, and Angel Frasier.
Moonbeam, yes I remember your thread about Oslo. I followed your story back at Thanksgiving. The things you said about Oslo reminded me of Buck who is a lab/golden retriever mix. I have to admit, though, I avoided your thread about Abbygayle's cancer because at the time I was afraid that cancer was what Niles had. Too often I let my mind go to dark places long before the situation has even presented itself so I wouldn't read it for that reason. It's selfish, I know, and I'm sorry. I really battle with worrying too soon and making up awful scenarios in my head. I will read it when I can. Thank you so much.
And Jasonsmom, I remember you losing 2 babies last year. Every time I see your little picture it reminds me so much of a cat I used to have. I think we talked about that once. Thank you for your comforting words and thoughts. I really do appreciate it more than you know.
-Donna